Life is pain

As the tears fall down you finally get to see the truth that lays beneath of all the pain and hurt that one girl can hold deep within where no one can see where no one would believe was there only to see whats shown and not really whats needed to be seen lost and alone with no way out just you and me and all this doubt wondering when our time will come but till then all i am is done Life is pain.

terlalu mendramatisir keadaan?coba kamu jadi saya sehari. pasti kamu mengerti kenapa semua isi blog ini tentang kesedihan. memang lebih banyak cerita sedih tentang kehidupan yang lebih tragis di bandingkan cerita hidup saya. tapi setiap orang punya cerita hidup masing-masing , bukan? dan disini saya cuma bisa menumpahkan apa yang saya rasakan dan alami lewat tulisan. blog pribadi ini jadi semacam media untuk saya menenangkan diri. saya punya banyak teman dan sahabat, tapi saya memang terpola untuk jadi sosok yang tidak mau menampilkan kesedihan saya di depan orang-orang. 

Well it isn't soo strange that nobody notice, cause we always wil fake a smile for them so they won't get worried..


beruntung saya sebagai seorang pekerja seni, pembuat musik dan pekerja musik, itu membuat saya bisa bersembunyi dari pahitnya hidup.

Heal me !!

I can Heal the Mind but I cant Heal the Thought, I can Heal the Body but I cant Heal the Soul, I can Heal the Wound but I cant Heal the Pain, I can Heal the Heart but I cant heal what it Holds, I can Heal a Scratch but I cant Heal a Scar, I can Heal Others but I cant Heal Myself, I can Heal a Friend but I cant Heal an Enemy, Darkness fills my eyes you see, life starts to end, No one to be my friend now, no one to pretent, Running blind round loving circles, now an empty shell, He hasnt been around to fall in love well, Being screamed at by hatereds breath, You coward..... , You weakling,..... Your unloved,.... Your dead,...... Not here to make friends,.... My bloodshed never ends,..... You'll be the one for me maybe?...... Please heal me.

Birthday wishes

Won't you come and take me away?

I don't have any desire to stay.

Okay, I'll stay here as long as you do too.

The truth is, I just want to be with you.

I'll be blowing out my candles with a sigh.

Asking each one a silent "Why?"

Why aren't you here, the only thing to wish for?

And why is it that if you came, I'd still want more?

Opening presents, they're all wrapped up very pretty.

But the only thing I asked for was for you to be here with me.

Waving goodbye to the guests, sighing that it's over.

Take a walk, wish on a four leaf clover.

Close my eyes, hope you suddenly appear.

Open them again, a lonely fall is all that's here.

In Love with a mess

I don't mind, I don't mind
If you're constantly high
It doesn't matter if you're baked or not
To me

I don't care I don't care
If you think I'm unaware
Of the things you do when you're without
Me.

But I don't want to know
If you're about to go
If you don't like the times
we both shared
I don't want to know
If I'll be all alone
If I need to plan
on getting out of here
Cause I'm in love with a mess
I don't care if it's for the best
All I know is I have heart to spare

I don't mind, I don't mind
If you stumble in late at night
I don't need someone to take good care
of me.

I don't care, I don't care,
If you need to stop and stare
At all the other girls except for
Me

But I don't want to know
If you're about to go
If you don't like the times
we both shared
I don't want to know
If I'll be all alone
If I need to plan
on getting out of here
Cause I'm in love with a mess
I don't care if it's for the best
All I know is I have heart to spare

Hear me out
Take me out
Use me up
But I am sticking around
Hear me out
Fake me out
Make it rough
But I am sticking around..

Cause I'm in love with a mess
I don't care if it's for the best
All I know is I have heart to spare

My Love

My love is a rainy night in an unbearably hot season
He's a breath of fresh air, the world that I live in
He leaves me wet and breathless under the dark sky
He is my blanket on a very cold night
My love is the soft, warm hoodie with which I sleep
He is that goodnight kiss, so slow and deep
He is the sun that breaks the bows of twilight
He wakes my soul with a gradient light
My love makes me think of all these beautiful things
There's not one doubt in my mind that I am forever his.

Them

Somebody broke me and took my insides
And when I found out I nearly died
Life was a meaningless hole lacking rights
But rules and everything make it right

Oh, There's something bugging me
Oh, It's something they gave me
Oh, They said they found the cure
Oh, But now they aren't so sure

I'm finding it harder to believe
They have their heart on their sleeve
They've got my heart there instead
I guess it's cause I'm so easily read

Oh, There's something bugging me
Oh, It's something they gave me
Oh, They said they found the cure
Oh, But now they aren't so sure

I am lying on this bed full of questions lacking answers
That are swimming through my head, swimming harder swimming faster
They've got me a loop, I don't know what to do
I'm just looking for the truth, now they're looking for you

Oh, there's something bugging me
Oh, It's something they gave me
Oh, they said they found the cure
Oh, but now I'm not so sure

I wish

I wish I wish I could just float into the ocean
I wish I wish I could fly into the sky
I have to deal with my wild imagination
Take me away away far away

I wish I wish I had the heart to love you
I wish I wish I had the decency to show you
I like I like the way you hold me near you
I wish I never have to cry

I don't believe in the bigger picture
I like to keep all my little tiny treasures
I love the way we watch the sunlight, up high
Never have to say goodnight

I wish these shoes held more than just me
You'd walk along my side and help out my feet
And when it rains, oh boy it rains
But then we watch it shine again

I don't believe in the bigger picture
i want to keep all of my tiny treasures
I love the way you look up at me, honey
Never have to say goodnight
Never have to say goodnight

Something I wrote

One of those days, someone accidentally watered my plants
I could have used more days of rain
I could have used more days of rain well..
One of these days, I'll have the decency to get off my ass
I could have used more days to reign
I could have used more days to reign well..
I'm not saying that I hate you, I'm not saying this is your fault
But I'm not gonna be the one to blame,
I'm not gonna take all the blame
I love you, I swear I always will be the one to talk to
When you realize that this is insane
When you realize that it's not the same well..

Love Later

I wrote a love letter,
I wrote a love letter
To tell you, to tell you I love you
I wrote a love letter,
I wrote a love letter,
To ask you to love me too

But don't you dare tell me
There won't be an ending
Don't you dare tell me
I'll never be lonely again

I wrote a love letter
I wrote a love letter
To ask you to marry me
I wrote a love letter
I wrote a love letter
To tell you, you drive me crazy

don't you dare tell me
There won't be an ending
don't you dare tell me
I'll never feel lonely again

I wrote a love letter
Right to myself, it said
You don't want to fall, I promise, you'll hurt again
I wrote a love letter
Right to your future wife
I hope you love him, I hope that you love your life
And your small children,
You're lovely garden
You're sunday mornings, and picnics, your weekends
I hope you're happy
Once he has left me
I mean, it's obvious
No one man can love like this

Don't you dare tell me
there isn't an ending
Don't you dare tell me
I'll never feel lonely again

Lamb

I am a bird
And I don't know my own home
I am a bird
And I won't ever go home
In the northwest, there is rainfall
There are clouds over my head
In the southeast, there is nothing
There is nothing I know best

I am a girl
And I don't know my own name
I am a girl
And my days all seem the same
After sunset, there is nothing
There is nothing I know best
After daybreak, there is nothing
There is nothing but a mess

I am alone
I am alone
I am alone, but I don't know how to dress
I am alone, but I still am not the best
After weekends, there are daylights
But there's nothing in this life
To keep drum beats, to keep rhythm
To keep each cymbal on time

Modern Love

Am I the only one who believes in romance anymore?
Relations seems like a serial business
You say "Modern love is a killer"
But honey, it's been killing us this whole time.
You can't even blame something you can't see
All you can do is blame yourself... Or blame me.
Cause I'm the one that has hope for love
I'm the only one with hope for love
But am I the only one who believes in romance?
Or did that die with all the finer things
Like flowers and journals and heart-shaped boxes
Like "embrace" and "honey" and "weak at the knees"?
Show me someone who believes in romance
And I'll show you their soulmate.

In my world

Your head is full of calculations
Your mind is out to sea
I'd love to make you think about it, love
Whether you could live without me
If I never shredded your love-strings
If I never set you on over-drive
Would your heart have found it's way, babe
Would it make it next to mine
Oh my sugar-booger, lovely lover, I
Picked you apart with each word
Show me your ocean, show me your lovely waters, I
Just wanna feel you in my world
Things are opening up everyday, you
tell me that everything will be okay, I
Never wanted you to be so caught up in this
But with our relationship it's either hit or miss
And everybody says the world is ending
I guess everyone's wrong
Cause my life is just starting
And it just can't end now

Another Story

Write me another story
about how lovers last
like nectarines in a ziplock
like popcorn in a bag.
And baby, could you tell me
that boys weren't just sent here
to break apart a heartfelt plan
after nibbles on your ear.
But kisses all mean nothing
and vows exist to break
relationships are like popsicles
on a burning summer day.
But every boy could tell you
that they're too madly fallen
to conform to the destructive social trends
of this world we were born in.

The Art Of Losing

I held something precious once
Something taken for granted
Like a butterfly on the edge of your palm
It only lingers for a moment
And as you try to soak up the beauty
With a wisp and flutter of its wings
It's gone
Flying out of reach

I lost something
Keys are in their place
It's my heart, aching
Is it so wrong to speak your mind?

I've taken the punches
Saw how much stronger you were than me
I would just fall down
And bear the marks of your footprints
As I got left behind in your shadow

I saw the jealousy we both have
Over the same goal
The same smile
We both longed to see
It just seemed you got them more
That they were brighter
I wanted to see that smile too.

No pillow fights, or secrets told
Over a cup of tea
No jumping in sprinklers
Did we ever do anything together?
I'm trying to remember a good memory
Why is my mind going blank?

Guess I'm not so good at sharing
Those words I spoke
Have built for years
I'm trying to be a new person
Not the weakling of before
But it's not easy
When I've lost that small part
That fills my whole

Time heals all wounds
But how long will this one bleed
What scars will remain?
Gone is our childlike innocence
The pretence of a bond
And yet maybe this sadness I feel
Are the remnants of the bond
We once may have wished to have

So I guess I'll wait
Missing that piece,
Missing you.
Whenever you're ready
I'll be here.

The Little Things

Sleeping in, nestled under the covers
Stretching as the sun warms my eyes
Hearing the church bells ring down the street
And the leaves rustling in the trees

Licking chocolate chip dough from my fingers
The smell of banana bread in the oven
A clean house
Flowers in a vase on the shelf,
All different colors

Not having to bundle up,
The sun's peeking through
Watching the horses graze
In the long grass of our field
The dog lazing in the yard.

The smell of home, and their voices
Of those I know love me
Running next to my Dad, and thankful
I can hear his steady breaths
On the road to recovery
Able to make these memories

Sitting next to you, if even for a minute
Wishing you a good day
Kissing you softly on the lips
Looking at your smile
Looking forward to our future together

Laughing even as my fingertips are freezing
At the sheer joy of flying down the road
The engine beneath me roaring
As we go for one last ride until spring

Now back at home, many things accomplished
Snuggled comfortably into my couch
A movie plays, and the bed will soon call
A good day overall,
Good night.

SCARS

Some we can see
On the surface of skin
Reminders of memories
Of childhood, of learning
Of memories and regrets
Some of resolution, other determination
Born out of recklessness, fear
Daring and sorrow.

Others, we will never see
Buried down deep
These skeletons; Lines across our chest
Loss and broken hearts
The lashings of broken trust
Of things of which
Our lips will not speak
They are carried by all
Some heavier than others.

Some will fade
Over months, over years
Some will heal
But always be fresh
In our minds, in our souls
Until our last breath

I cannot speak for all
Each have their own unique set
As different as the soul
Who carries them
But I can speak for mine.
The ones you can't see
Of loneliness and hurtful words
Of years of living with a reflection in the mirror
I hated.

The scars of a woman
Who smashed that mirror
Picked up the pieces of herself
And putting together
Something that was still part of her;

But the image now reflected
Was one I could smile at;
One I could live with, still Me
And yet, something new, something proud
To wear those scars

I cannot speak for you
Our experiences differ
But I'll hold your hand within my own
I'll open my heart to let you in
Along with those old wounds
For they are as much a part of you
As the beating heart I listen to
While my head lies upon your chest

They may not heal, but maybe I hope
A little they may fade
Your smile will show
The joy I have to be with you
The peace I hope to give

The love reflected
Within the last broken pieces
Forming something beautiful and shared
We hold each other close
We meld the pieces together, like our hearts
Until whole, they beat as one.

Sometimes

Sometimes, I wish I could be someone else. Even for just a split of seconds, an hour or just a day. Not to change things, feel how it is to be in other people's shoes, to be better.

No.

I'd like to see my face when I lose.

I'd like to see my tears.

I'd like to know why some still care and the others don't even write anymore.


I'd like to make myself happy, even though such a feeling would be only a faint touch of something still blooming or already dying out there.


I'd like to see a smile playing on my face.

I'd like to see myself blowing a kiss at someone, although that someone is long dead but
still manages to whisper silly, broken love spells into my ear.


I'd like to see myself die one day.
From a bullet, a combat knife. Of leukemia, a broken heart.


I'd like to see your face the moment my coffin settles in-between the grass and the reddish sky. I'd like to touch your tears then, those fake ones caught on the lips of the bystanders and taste every one of them with pietism.

I'd like to see my clothes being torn or still cradled at night in your unmoving, lifeless arms.

I'd like to see lanterns being lit up every other January or October or never beside the head of my small, white marble memorial.




Sometimes the light used to catch itself in your hair and I wish I could have been myself just a bit longer those moments.

I'd like to have been able to kiss your lips then and pretend you could be just as immortal as the airglow and my dreams.


I'd like to see you smile afterwards.




I'd like to still have you here.

TELL ME WHO I AM

Can you tell me who I am,
Can you tell me where I've been,
Can you tell what I did a week ago?
I can't remember who I am.

Can you tell me who I am
Can you tell me why I'm here,
Can you tell me what is going on?
I can't remember who I am.

Can you tell me how I know,
Can you tell me who you are,
Can you tell me why I see their faces before me?
I can't remember who I am.

Can you tell me who I am,
Can you tell me where I've been,
Can you tell what I did a week ago?
I can't remember who I am.

Do you know who I am?
Who am I?

Fantasy

A million shining pieces of my shattered, broken mind
Are sharp and shard-like piercing into my fragile bind
Hopes and dreams lie scattered, strewn upon the floor
Slipping through my fingers when I try to hold them more

Here we are here we stand
Clinging to fantasy
Look over the horizon at the ever nearing sea
They can catch me hold me chain me
Kill and rape and tear and maim me
They won’t steal my fantasy

I’ve been standing here forever on the border of denial
Warding off their questions with a tired, faltering smile
I sing in self-condolence of other worlds that for me pray
But my shell is slowly chipping with each untruth that I say

Here we are here we stand
Clinging to fantasy
Look over the horizon at the ever nearing sea
They can catch me hold me chain me
Kill and rape and tear and maim me
They won’t steal my fantasy…

Reason

He would be sure to remember
I was blind when we met...
the taste of saline on my lips,
and all the words I spoke were sterile,
but if you asked me then, I would say
I met no one there.

Sometimes when I exhale now
a minute requiem escapes. One low note
like the dried blood on my sheets.
You would know me if you saw me
I think... because I am sad,
the kind that makes me lazy like he hates,
but when I sleep, I walk
in the country of nightmares
where the silence is louder than his pulse.

What I wished three days ago
was for him to break the night with color.
The winter shades of pale grey.
I know I would see them now,
but he remembered I was blind and brought
me lullabies instead.

EYES TO PARADISE

You're a boy with two eyes; i'm
a girl with one heart and i say love
is blind but you
say love can see everything.

i'm a liar with two tongues; you're
honesty if honesty was silent. but
silence is louder in your hands.

in your hands i am silent.

we sleep with both eyes
open; but we're not sleeping,
we're not sleeping. we're wide
awake and it's time to go
to sleep.

if empty is a beating drum
then you're a slap to a face that
we haven't seen and doesn't
exsist; but you're innocent still.

innocence is bliss when ignorance is knowledge.

i'm just waiting; for the rapture,
but it seems my lungs are empty and
my hands
are heavy and weak.

heavy and weak; heavy and weak.

we sleep with both eyes
open; but we're not sleeping,
we're not sleeping. we're wide
awake and it's time to go
to sleep. so wake up.

wake up.

we have two lungs and two
ears and two feet and
two hearts between us and
we're stuck here.

we're stuck here; we're waiting for release.

i'm asleep.
i'm asleep.
i'm awake.

i do not exist.
i do not exist.
i do not exist.
i do not exist.
i do not exist.
i do not exist.
i do not exist.
i do not exist.
i do not exist.

EMBRACE

The bitterness of tears the gripping scent of dispair
These are things that never leave me, they are always there
I'm always beginning, never arriving
I can't go on denying

My feelings for you are strong
No matter if it's right or wrong
It doesn't matter just as long
As we're together

I want you to realize
The feelings you have behind your eyes
Don't ignore them and sigh
It's so hard to live a lie

Be true to yourself and me
Be true to the feeling we cannot see
We can't fight fate or destiny
Embrace the reality

I want your body, I want your soul
I want to have your love flow
Flow all over me
Like the waves of the sea

Accept it, accept me
Embrace the reality
It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong
As long as we can sing this song

ALL ON YOU

I wonder what it feels like
To feel so locked up.
When you can't even feel me,
When you can't fall in love.

I think about you all the time,
But I'm sorry that you can't
Can you even hear me?
Don't you understand...

...That you're my dream,
You're my rock that I can fall on.
You're so wonderful, baby come on
You can break free from that cell
I know you can escape your hell,
It's all on you.

I love the way you think,
But they're thoughts that are secret.
I'm here for you
Even when I'm not needed.

Of all the things
Going on around you.
I'll be there,
Yes, it's true...

...That you're my dream,
You're my rock that I can fall on.
You're so wonderful, baby come on
You can break free from that cell
I know you can escape your hell,
It's all on you.

Please don't fade away,
I know you can break free.
I wouldn't know what to do if you're gone,
I'd die, indeed...


...You're my dream,
You're my rock that I can fall on.
You're so wonderful, baby come on
You can break free from that cell
I know you can escape your hell,
It's all on you.

It's all on you
It's all on you
It's all on you.

BREATHE

I'm lying here,
trying to breathe.
You left last night,
it's something
I still can't believe.
You said goodbye,
and you didn't know,
I was trying hard not to cry.

And I'd wake up,
to the thought
that you were never coming back...

That you were never coming back.

And it's so hard to breathe,
whenever you're here
and whenever you're gone.
But you don't even know
that you do this to me.
How it scares me that
you're happy,
when I feel like I'm alone.

So I hear you're happy
over there,
And I guess I'm just
holding back the tears,
just so you wouldn't see.
I know I'm not
supposed to feel
like you belong with me.
I know that it's wrong,
I know that it's selfish.
To wish that you and I
would just be...

And it's so hard to breathe,
whenever you're here
and whenever you're gone.
But you don't even know
that you do this to me.
How it scares me that
you're happy,
when I feel like I'm alone.

I try to take a step back,
get you out of my mind.
How the hell can I do that,
while you're still in my life.
And you're not even aware,
you're happy with those other girls,
it's as if you never even cared...
about the girl that always used to be there.

You've fallen in love,
with someone else.
And you don't know that it kills me
to have to wish you two
all the best.
I guess it's sort of my fault,
but I can help but wish...
that you would think of me too.
The way that I think about you...

And it's so hard to breathe,
whenever you're here
and whenever you're gone.
But you don't even know
that you do this to me.
How it scares me that
you're happy,
when I feel like I'm alone.

It's so hard to breathe,
whenever you're here.
Whenever you're gone.

YOU ARE DEAD

We keep ourselves under the stars
We hide all the evil scars
But there is nothing that can be done.

We are hurt with all the wars
And now it is a bore
To see nothing at all that is won.

You hurt me
And you see
No pain that has been dealt

Believe me!
When we
Are under every spell

That is when you can say
You are dead.

These feelings I have never shown
But all this time I have known
You’re not worth it.

Yet again I will fight for you
Knowing there’s nothing I can do
It’s destroying me!

When death is around the corner
When there is only boredom
You know that I will fight

To stay alive!
Live or lie!
That is when

You can say
You are dead.

That is when you can say you are dead.

TORN DOWN THE MIDDLE

Try what you want
But my heart still feels broken
Say what you need
It falls on deaf ears

Illusions of love, aspiring
Delusions, enough, I'm tiring
It brings me to my knees

I'm torn down the middle
Losing my mind
While my trust has faded
Crumbling to the floor
Just stop, say no more
What's happening to me?
I hate it.

Touch, if you dare
But my skin has knumbed
Look into my eyes
To see I've gone blind

Illusions of love, aspiring
Delusions, enough, I'm tiring
It brings me to my knees
How dare you bring me to my knees

I'm torn down the middle
Losing my mind
While my trust has faded
Falling to the floor
Just stop, say no more
What's happening to me?
I hate it.

So tug one more time
You'll find that I tear
Any more pressure
And I might explode

What have you done to me?
I hate it ...

FROZEN FIRE

We decrease the temperature
about 2 degrees
Do you feel the burning cold
of all the stories left untold?

My heart is just a synonym
my heart is all blindfold
And I had to remember
all those things that you had sold

Feel it
Catch it
Tell me right away
what you have left behind
Time to go, time to go, time to go
time to be one of a kind

I feel this feeling will not feel
hit the moment, strike my time
And be the right one on my lifeline
just keep my eye glued to the sky

Increase the temperature again
and make my synonym stop shivering
Now, do you feel the freezing heat
that melts my life down to your feet?

Feel it
Catch it
Break my day
Feel it
Catch it, please
....stay

Hopeless Romantic

Am I hoplessly romantic, or am I just hopless for you?
From the west to the atlantic, I'm hoplessly searching for proof
that there's hope for me somewhere, somewhere there's a chance
that this glance that we keep throwing will turn out to be more than just a glance

'Cause
I want to live a life worth living,
but hearts weren't made to be forgiving,
and it's strife to go through with all this pain
I can't stand being alone without you
and yet I feel alone beside you too
I feel like i'll never live that way again

So tell me, what is it you're thinking
when you go home and when your wishing, do you wish for me?
tell me, what you're really feeling
and is it so, just so appealing
that I'd want to feel it, too
I can get you off my mind
You could at least say you tried
Tried to make this work and maybe,
if you really love me baby,
we could make it work this time

Do I want to be romantic, or should I just be blunt and skip the lines?
'cause boy, you've got me frantic and I'm running all around asking you why
we couldn't make this better, we could of made this better if we'd wanted
It's a little late now, now my empty heart is being haunted
by
ghosts of all our former selves
saying, "God, it feels like hell,
could anyone make this poor girl heal?"
Their voices echo off the hollow walls
No one can hear my crying calls
It's finally sinking in: my fate's for real

So tell me, what is it you're thinking
when you go home and when your wishing, do you wish for me?
tell me, what you're really feeling
and is it so, just so appealing
that I'd want to feel it, too
I can get you off my mind
You could at least say you tried
Tried to make this work and maybe,
if you really love me baby,
we could make it work this time

And do I want to have your hand
inside my own?
Do I want to have you and
no longer be alone?
Are you big enough to fill the space?
Strong enough to fix this place,
and though I long for you embrace,
I can't stand the thought of your empty face

And do I want to have your hand
inside my own?
Do I want to have you and
no longer be alone?
Are you big enough to fill the space?
Strong enough to fix this place,
and though I long for you embrace,
the hole you left can't be replaced...


Tell me, what is it you're thinking
when you go home and when your wishing, do you wish for me?
tell me what your really feeling (tell me, tell me)
and is it so, just so appealing (appealing)
that i'd want to feel it too

So tell me, what is it you're thinking
when you go home and when your wishing, do you wish for me?
tell me, what you're really feeling
and is it so, just so appealing
that I'd want to feel it, too
I can get you off my mind
You could at least say you tried
Tried to make this work and maybe,
if you really love me baby,
we could make it work this time
We could make it work this time.
We could make it work this time.

Unless You've become

I know that you're trying to make me think that I was wrong to stay
When you know that I'm trying so hard for us to be okay
You think it's so easy to make me go away
Well listen up 'cause I'm tired of telling you to your face

This is the last time I'm gonna say

unless you can keep me from smiling
unless you can keep me from breathing
unless you can keep me from dying

I know with you is where I belong

I'm not going to leave you
because of the rumors
I'm not going to leave you
because of the lying
I'm not going to leave you
because of the fighting

I'm gonna stand right here beside you
until I know that when I leave
You've become a different man
from the one I know today

So shut up and sit down boy
because I'm through with you acting like you know what's best for me
Don't give me that excuse about not loving me,
when every time I tell you to go you say 'quit playin'
just like you know there's no way for you to watch me leave

I know deep in my heart there's no way I'll go

unless you can keep me from blushing
unless you can keep me from laughing
unless you can keep me from counting every second that we're apart

I'm not going to leave you
because of the rumors
I'm not going to leave you
because of the lying
I'm not going to leave you
because of the fighting

I'm gonna stand right here beside you
until I know that when I leave
You've become a different man
from the one I know today

So unless you're ready to make me live with a broken heart
I'm right here to stay

unless you can keep me from smiling
unless you can keep me from breathing
unless you can keep me from dying
from laughing
from blushing
from counting every second that we're apart

I'm not going to leave you
because of the rumors
I'm not going to leave you
because of the lying
I'm not going to leave you
because of the fighting

unless you've become a different man
from the one I know

Time To see

Come to the time
When you'll realize
I was there all the while
Only to guide you

When you take me on
I get a little cold
Maybe some things aren't meant to be

Maybe one day
You'll look to the sky
And see the things you left behind

But now you know
How to get along
You don't need me to rely on

When you talk to me
I always make a scene
Just to make another memory

Pheraps one day you'll see
All you really need
Is someone who means more than a shield

I look to the moon
To see how soon
I need to look once more upon you

Maybe you'll look to the stars
And think of me wherever you are

Maybe through the trees
You'll get a little beam
Of the moonlight you look to guide you

I'll sit alone
To just get a little on
This rollercoaster we call life

Music Is the way out

So YAY.. Finally my first single "running for something" now available on iTunes.
I might Be not that Famous. But I don't care...
I just want to Play my song, Play My music, and I will keep writing and making music.
Screw famous,I just want my music to be known by a musician who knows what music is all about.

and also, thanks to all my friends for the love and supports.
really appreciate it.

Living This Live

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees. So you can watch me rise with the things we carry. The loss. The scars. The weight of heavy hearts. So I say to the slaves of depression : carry on. And sing the sweet redeeming song. About living this life free and long. Watch me. Watch me. Watch. Me. Rise.

There's always Hope

From what I've been troughout, I've learned Don't try to understand everything. Because sometimes it is not meant to be understood. But rather to be accepted.
I believe that Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.

I don't know, maybe my middle name is "hope"
And maybe I was born to be a dreamer.
I won't change it, because I dream and I believe like a kid. I won't grow up. I just learn to behave in public.
And I will Do anything To make my dreams Come true.
Anything in a good possible way.

I am strong because I know my weaknesses. I'm alive because I'm a fighter.I am wise because I've been foolish. I laugh because I've known sadness.

Where there is hope and determination, a solution is not far behind.

God has to break you in order to build you.

I wrote this to the guy who loves COLDPLAY

Don’t Panic when you read this.
Whenever I see you,
you make me Shiver,
and my heart? beats faster
than the Speed Of Sound.
I wish I could just go Talk to you.
I’m not looking for Trouble,
and I’m not The Scientist,
but to me,
Every Teardrop from your eyes? Is A Waterfall
to me, and if you get hurt,
I’ll do whatever to Fix You.
I hope to See You Soon,
because you make me Viva La Vida.

Thom Yorke

Buat saya, Thom yorke adalah musisi yang otak nya di atas rata-rata.
saya menggilai Radiohead sejak tahun 90'an,hingga sekarang.

Radiohead, menjadi salah satu band terbesar abad ke-21. Rilis single pertama mereka, "Creep", pada tahun 1992. Lagu yang pada awalnya berhasil dengan menjadi hit di seluruh dunia hingga beberapa bulan setelah peluncuran album debut mereka, Pablo Honey (1993). Ketenaran Radiohead naik di Inggris Raya dengan merilis album kedua mereka, The Bends (1995), album ketiga Radiohead, OK Computer (1997), mendorong mereka untuk ketenaran internasional yang lebih besar. Radiohead yang sering mengusung penampilan suara yang luas dan tema-tema keterasingan modern, seperti di albumnya "OK Computer" yang menjadi sejarah tersendiri di tahun 1990-an.


Bicara Radiohead tak lekang dari peran front-liner Thom Yorke sang vokalis yang melakukan karir menantang dan tak terduga dalam sebuah perubahan musik. Lahir 7 Oktober 1968, di Wellingborough, Inggris, Yorke lahir dengan penyakit pada mata kirinya dan mengakibatkan kelumpuhan hingga matanya tertutup sebelah sampai usia enam tahun. Ia menjalani lima kali operasi total, operasi terakhir itu gagal dan ia hampir kehilangan penglihatan semua. Bahkan hampir setahun ia tidak bisa melihat, dan jika ia pergi harus menggunakan pelindung mata.


Sejak remaja ia telah menyukai musik, sebagai inspirasinya, antara lain Elvis Costello, Queen, danThe Beatles. Setelah keluarganya akhirnya menetap di Oxford, Yorke disekolahkan hingga bertemu Ed O'Brien (Gitaris Radiohead) dan Colin Greenwood (Bassist Radiohead). Dari bandnya yang terinspirasi oleh R.E.M dan The Smiths hingga mereka menemukan Phil Selway sebagai drummer,dan mengundang adik Colin Greenwood yang memiliki multi-instrumen Jonny Greenwood untuk bergabung.
kembali ke vokalis yang memiliki nama asli Thomas Edward Yorke, adalah musisi Inggris yang merupakan vokalis sekaligus penulis lagu dari band Radiohead. Yorke yang ayahnya seorang sales alat kimia juga pernah membuat debut album solo yang bertajuk The Eraser. Yorke juga telah dikutip di antara penyanyi terbesar dalam sejarah musik populer: tahun 2005, dari sebuah jajak pendapat yang diselenggarakan oleh Blender dan MTV2 Yorke terpilih sebagai 18 penyanyi terbesar sepanjang masa, dan pada tahun 2008 ia menduduki peringkat ke-66 diRolling Stone ".

Musik dan Karakteristik Suara Yorke

Yorke yang dikenal memiliki suara tenor yang khas, vibrato, dan jugasering menggunakan suara buatan bernada tinggi, dan kemampuan untuk mencapaidan mempertahankan catatan rentang vokal lebar. Selama sesi rekaman untuk Thedegree pada tahun 1994, Yorke kemudian mengatakan konser yang berdampak langsung pada vokalnya pada lagu "Fake PlasticTrees" Namun, Yorke mengatakan, "Suara cantik saya ini sangat mengganggu dan perkataan sopanpun bisa saya ungkapkan dengan melengking ". Dia juga sering mengadopsi gaya lain menyanyi, seperti gaya berteriak agresif di bagian tengah". Paranoid Android " dan gaya seperti orang bicarapada lagu " Myxomatosis "dan" A Wolf at the Door".

Selain menjadi vokalis dan menulis lirik, kontribusi musik Yorke untuk Radiohead termasuk dalam permainan gitar, baik akustik dan listrik (band biasanya bagian irama, dengan anggota Jonny Greenwood menjadi pemimpin), dan piano (termasuk piano Rhodes, terutama pada Kid A). Dia juga memainkan gitar bass pada kesempatan (garis bass untuk "The National Anthem" direkam oleh dia) serta drum. Selama tur 2006 dan 2008 ia melakukan perkusi di panggung bersama-sama dengan drummer Phil Selway pada lagu "Bangers & Mash ".

Yorke, tidak seperti anggota lain dari Radiohead, belum pernah belajar bagaimana membaca musik. Dia berkata, "Jika seseorang meletakkan catatan di depanku itu tak berarti, karena bagi saya anda tidak dapat mengekspresikan irama yang benar seperti itu. Ini adalah cara yang tidak efektif untuk melakukannya dan sangat merepotkan ".

Sejak album 'Kid A', Radiohead melalui Yorke, telah memasukkan banyak unsur musik elektronik ke dalam pekerjaan mereka. Akibatnya, Yorke telah memprogram dan membuat sampel pada laptopnya di album terbaru. Pada acara radio tahun 2003 untuk mempublikasikan album 'Hail to the Thief', Yorke mengatakan bahwa ia lebih suka membuat catatan hanya dengan komputer dibandingkan dengan hanya sebuah gitar akustik.

Dalam wawancara Yorke telah mengutip berbagai inspirator musik yang mempengaruhinya, antara lain komposer jazz dan bassis Charles Mingus, Neil Young, Miracle Legion, penyanyi Scott Walker, dan musik elektronik seperti Aphex Twin dan Autechre, Krautrock dan Can Band. Talking Heads, Queen, Joy Division, Majalah, Elvis Costello, The Smiths dan Sonic Youth adalah band yang berpengaruh awal pada Radiohead dan Yorke. Pada tahun 2004, di Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival, Yorke berkata kepada orang banyak, "Ketika saya masih kuliah, Pixies dan REM mengubah hidup saya," dan dia telah sering disebut-sebut kedua band sebagai contoh.

Yorke Sebagai Aktivis

Yorke telah blak-blakan tentang berbagai isu-isu politik dan sosial kontemporer. Radiohead telah membaca buku 'No Logo' by Naomi Klein selama sesi 'Kid A', "No Logo" juga sempat dianggap sebagai judul album dan semua anggota dikabarkan sangat dipengaruhi oleh itu, meskipun Yorke mengatakan "tidak mengajarkan apa pun. "Yorke juga menjadi aktivis dalam mendukung praktek perdagangan yang adil, dengan anti-WTO (World Trade Organization) dan sikap anti-globalisasi, turut mengecam IMF (International Monetery Fund), yang mengumpulkan perhatian signifikan di tahun 2000-an.

Yorke juga terkenal sebagai seorang aktivis politik dan juga aktivis hak asasi manusia dan gerakan anti-perang seperti Jubilee 2000, Amnesty International, dan Friends of the Earth's Big Ask Campaign. Radiohead bermain di 'Free Tibet' pada tahun 1998 dan 1999 dan di sebuah konser Amnesty International pada tahun 1998. Pada tahun 2005, Yorke juga bergabung di 'Trade Justice Movement'. Pada tahun 2006, Jonny Greenwood dan Yorke melakukan konser khusus untuk Friends of the Earth. Yorke menjadi berita utama di tahun yang sama karena menolak permintaan Perdana Menteri Tony Blair bertemu dengan dia untuk membahas perubahan iklim, Yorke menyatakan Blair tidak memiliki kredibilitas terhadap lingkungan. Yorke kemudian bersikap kritis terhadap penggunaan energi sendiri terhadap musiknya. Radiohead melakukan sebuah studi oleh kelompok 'Best Foot Forward' yang mengklaim untuk membantu mereka memilih tempat dan metode transportasi yang sangat mengurangi penggunaan karbon pada tur 2008 mereka. Band ini juga memanfaatkan sistem pencahayaan LED yang hemat energi dan membudayakan daur ulang plastik.

Thom Yorke mendukung film dokumenter perubahan iklim, 'The Age of Stupid'. Dia menyumbangkan lagu radiohead yang berjudul 'Reckoner' untuk kredit akhir film dan melakukan streaming video pada 'The Age of Stupid Global Premiere'. Selama itu Thom Yorke berbicara tentang masalah pertumbuhan ekonomi dan mengatakan "Saya pikir Ed Miliband mungkin tahu ini tapi tidak akan mengakuinya sebagai politisi biasa. Itulah konsep pertumbuhan ekonomi tak terbatas dan sekarang mati "

Mati rasa

Ternyata memang lebih mudah menumpahkan rasa lewat tulisan.
Saya mempunyai masalah dengan kepercayaan pada orang lain.
saya tidak tau, siapa yang bisa saya percaya,hanya untuk sekedar mendengarkan curhatan saya yang isinya keluhan semua. saya bukan tipe orang pengeluh..tapi kali ini saya benar-benar berada di titik galau yang ingin meledak.

beberapa orang yang kenal mengenal saya mencibir dan prihatin melihat saya.
"apa saja yang kamu lakukan seharian kalau tidak ada acara manggung akustik? cuma diam di kamar? melamun di depan komputer?mendengarkan lagu sedih tapi tidak ada air mata yang keluar dari mata kamu? "
saya tersenyum.
dalam hati saya cuma bisa berkata " saya memang seperti ini, bukan saya anti sosial dan tidak punya kehidupan lain di luar,tapi bagi saya, mengasingkan diri dari kehidupan luar yang penuh kepalsuan itu lebih baik. tentu saya juga ingin seperti kalian,tapi saya mungkin sudah terpola menjadi pribadi penyendiri, kalian boleh menyebut saya orang aneh. Tapi jika kalian tau semua yang pernah saya lalui, mungkin kalian akan mengerti"

saya punya banyak teman, mereka menyayangi saya, mereka mengagumi saya. salah satu dari mereka pernah bilang " I wish I were you "
saya tertawa, apa kamu benar-benar ingin menjadi saya? dan dia menjawab "tentu saja, kamu sosok wanita yang menginspirasi saya, kamu berbakat, kamu cantik, kamu pintar,kamu wanita tangguh,kamu penuh dengan canda tawa, penuh dengan humor,dan kamu penuh dengan rasa kasih dan para pria menginginkan kamu untuk menjadi kekasih mereka"

saya bersyukur Allah SWT memberikan saya kelebihan dalam bidang musik. Musik adalah hidup saya.Dan musik yang memberikan saya Hidup. Untuk dalam jangka yang lama, saya percaya, The Good thing about music is, when it hits you, you feel no pain. NO PAIN.
Saya bangga pada diri saya ketika mereka menamakan diri mereka fans saya. dan menikmati karya-karya saya. tanpa disadariItu salah satu yang membuat saya belajar mencitai hidup dan diri saya.
Saya memang penuh dengan selera humor. hanya itu yang bisa menghibur diri saya sendiri.
Beberapa pria menginginkan saya untuk menjadi kekasih mereka? Benar. Tapi semuanya ternyata terlahir hanya untuk mencari tau apa itu cinta,mereka tidak tau caranya mencinta.
Karena sekarang saya tau, hanya sedikit pria yang lahir ke bumi ini dengan hati.

Lalu, ada seseorang yang bertanya pada saya "kenapa kamu sangat dingin?apa kamu tidak merasa kesepian?Mengapa kamu sangat pemilih?mengapa kamu terlalu tidak percaya dan ketakutan untuk membuka hati lagi?"

saya tersenyum kembali,
Boys, I'm not picky, I'm not paranoid...I just have trust issues
dalam hati saya berkata

Dan mereka bilang saya mati rasa.
Salah.
meskipun hati saya sering dipermainkan. Disakiti. Dibohongi. tapi hati saya masih berfungsi dengan baik untuk memberi cinta.

Mungkin dengan kesendirian ini saya bisa lebih memahami dan menemukan jawaban kenapa saya selalu di sakiti.

Emotionally I died A long Time Ago

Sometimes there is nothing to say. Just take a deep breath and walk away.
but there's always, some "why" in our life remain unanswered.

How come it has to be the one person you love the most, is also the one person who can hurt you the most..?
Everyone told me to open up and trust again, and when I do, I get hurt again. What's the point?

my head is screaming 'WHO CARES', but my heart is screaming 'I DO'

The heart may forgive, but the head never forgets.
I'm tired of laughing when i just want to cry. I'm tired of smiling when i want to die. I say I'm fine when I'm not, All i want is for the pain to stop.

I know, I know
it sounds lame.
but trust me, it hurts like hell !!


but
If being hurt makes me stronger,
I should be unbreakable...

Disappointed

Life is like a big puzzle. Some of the pieces just don't fit where you want them to, no matter how hard you try to make them.


I can't blame you for being who you are, I can only blame myself for thinking you were different.
Soon my heart will acknowledge what my head already knows...that you're not worth it.

LET GO

So i posted acoustic version of this not too long ago. and then my friend zach requested that i try it with piano or keyboard. so i figured if i'd give it a shot . i'm going through a very rough time in my life right now..and sometimes it feels like music is all i have. thank you guys for supporting me, thank you for the love,thank you for listening. it means everything to me.

Broken Promises

be careful how much trust you put into someone's promises


You said you loved me. You said you'd never let go. You promised you would never break my heart. Another broken promise.

Well the walls of my heart are going back up. I don't know who I can and can't trust anymore. Guess it's time to go back in my shell and hide from the world!


Dear stress, will you please give me a break? I also need to rest. My hands are shaking, my head is aching, and my lips wants to smile even for awhile.

Such a sad feeling

I look around and see the happiness
Young and old walking hand in hand
You see the love in their way of looking at each other
I stand and walk toward the happiness
But as I get close it fades away
...Just like the fog lifts when the wind starts blowing
Again I look around but this time I’m alone
This awful feeling comes over me
I want to curl up like a baby in a fetus position
Everything is moving away, leaving this big empty space
Empty space that pulls you into this loneliness
Empty room, cold and dark

How can you feel so lonely when there are so many people around you?
They glance at you for one second, but they don’t have the time to stop
To stop and say a gentle word, to give a smile or just to give a warm hug
Again I look outside, all these people in such a hurry
Where are they going and what are they doing
Why don’t they see the nature surrounding them?
Why don’t they listen to the birds singing in harmony?
Why don’t they stop?
Stop for just one second
Why don’t they take in this energy given to us for free?
So many questions and so few answers

Again I feel this loneliness coming to get me again
I try to block it
I push it away as hard as I can
For a few moments I can feel the happiness
I can almost touch it as I reach out
I can feel it at my finger tips
Then it fades away once more

I turn and walk back to this place I call home
As I look around I see all these things
These things that use to be important to me
The paintings on the wall
Paintings of beautiful flowers and trees
But as I look at them I don’t see the beauty
I see just a plain painting
As I walk from room to room nothing seem in its place anymore
Just as I, Denis
Always feeling out of place, never finding happiness
Never finding love, I’m not asking much out of this life
I look around and once again I’m alone
Loneliness, such a sad word
Such a bad feeling
Again I look around, my heart cries out for help
I look around and there’s no one to hear this cry
Such a simple thing to want in life
Such a simple thing but so hard to find
Life is slowly slipping away, such a sad feeling
As the day go by and become months and years
Such a sad feeling to get used to
Such a sad word « »
Alone again I look around... just to see I’m alone again
Such a sad feeling
Alone again

well.. the truth is...

A Longing - miss you

The longing penetrates the heart deeply
...The days go by ever so slowly
Sunrise to sunset there’s only you in my memory
Heaviness sets in as my eyes become teary.

Opening the window I see the moon shining brightly
Illuminating the darkness giving hope to many
But no matter how hard I stare at nature’s beauty
It just isn’t as magical without you beside me.

The alarm rings and birds are chirping noisily
A new day and a new beginning it should be
But the same yearning occupies my mind so strongly
Because in my heart the love for you burns eternally.

A Love That Never Dips poem:

If only I could plant a kiss
On your face and then your lips
So many things about you I miss
Without you, loneliness grips
As the distance between us persists
The yearning steadily drips
Though the miles I can’t dismiss
My love for you never dips.

Wish You Are Here - other Poems

I thought I won’t feel so blue
When to another place you flew
But before the week is through
I’m already at a loss of what to do
The longing, I just never knew
Can be so overwhelming, it’s true
Guess I’m really missing you
And wishing you’re here too.

the crying wont stop
the pain wont heal
memories keep coming
is this somthing i have to feel

I look around and you are not there.
I fell in love with you and now you are gone and that is not fair

I live and breathe for you.all alone in this world of mine,
not a care for this world have i,only you keep my eyes open wide,
yes,it'S TRUE, I live and breathe for you.

not a thing in this world do i own,only sadness and mourn that is grown
...in this darkness i wait for the daY,yes,it'S TRUE, I live and breathe for you.

I love you with all I am..And all I'll ever be.
You are my moon, my sun and stars,My earth, my sky, my sea.

My love for you goes down and down..Beneath both life and death,
So deep it must remain when I,Have drawn my last faint breath.

Holding you for months and years..Will make time disappear,
Will make your lips my lips, your face..My face, your tear my tear;

Will make us one strange personage..All intertwined in bliss,
Not man or woman, alive or dead,,Just nothing but a kiss!

After you're gone..How will I go to work?
Who will I phone,To talk through the silent evening
After you're gone?

You're part of my life,A piece of my tapestry.
On what rock..Will my castle rest
After you're gone?

Time will turn,But without hands.
How will I eat.Without my day on your dish
After you're gone?

You're the only place..I can put myself.
No hopes or dreams..Can fill my tumbling days
After you're gone.

If i had a wish....i would wish for you
to be the first thing i see in the morning..right after i open my eyes,
the only person to think about,through out the day,
and the last face eye to eye..just before i fall asleep in the night...
then dre...ams would become superfluous,because my life would be completely blessed....
you're only the one who can leave,,me completely breathless
even when there is nothing..but silence between us.
it's like i can lay beside you..and we not say a single word
and still i have the best time.
f things don't happen the way you planned or imagined -what would you do? if you'd be living a big pink dream and all of a sudden you realize it was nothing but a horrible lie created and was growing in an imaginary world and you wake up t...o the harsh reality to find out that dreams rarely come true...

And people say things happen for the best... no matter how bad you feel or how shitty you feel -things happen for the best..and everything happen for a reason! But would you really be able to see the bright side when nothing seems to be right?

Would you be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel?
Would you be able to enjoy the brightness of the stars and to feel the heat of the sun when the sky looks dark and everything goes silent!

But what if you can't find any bright side?! what if things don't turn out to be for the best after all.. what if it's just a sentence you keep on saying and everyone keep on repeating as a way to be distracted from seeing what's there... the unbearable!

what if with each time it takes you to hear this sentence 'things happen for the best' there's a huge warm part of you that goes dead, cold and numb and there's no way to make it go back to what it was... you can't fix what's broken... you can try, struggle, and put so much energy but it's just broken.. deep inside your heart and mind you'll always know that it

was once broken and because of that it can get broken easily again and again and again...

To talk, it's easy... but to apply what's said you need strength.. and if you don't have any left then you just go back to talking.. you hope that talk can get you to act at one point or another!
And it's said that each mistake make you learn something.. or at least would happen so that you'd know it's a mistake and mistakes should never be repeated... but one might do the same mistake again just to prove that things might work differently and that this time it's different.. if i give more it'd be different or maybe if i give less it'd be different.. and you'd be in this mess forever just to realise that mistakes are mistakes.. they don't mean anything else... not now,,, not ever!

Sometimes you'd just turn all your senses down and refuse to LISTEN, to SEE, to THINK... you'd ignore all the clear signs, when there would be many and if you are from the challenging ones then you'd get more joy in going on and insisting that you are right and everyone else is wrong! It's like a game, either you win and prove that you're right or you lose and just give up to the fact that everyone was right from the beginning and you shoud've LISTENED or at least paid more attention to the signs and just thought about them for a while instead of pushing them far away in an attempt to ignore!

if you live to give support to others and tell them to be strong and tell them what to do and what not to do to survive would it mean that you are ok? would it mean that you are happy and wise or is it just a mask that you build and a shell to protect that little weak thing inside you so that others wouldn't see the real you...? would making others believe in hope means that you believe in it?


Yet the closest to your heart might be the ones who hurt you the most.. the ones who don't appreciate you enough.. the ones who give you every reason to be depressed... the ones who make you feel down when everyone around make you feel special... would making people feel bad about themselves help you to gain power? Would it make you feel better when making others feel down? Would their tears make your heart dance? Or is it just a way to show that no matter what you do they'd be there for you and again this would make you gain more and more power?

Would hurt be justified as a way of love? Would jealousy mean love? would possesivness be one type of love? if not .. then what is love? It's something you can never find a definition for as each one shows it in a different way, his unique way that makes him special... that makes him unforgettable!... this is why sometimes you hear the phrase ' i loved you with all my heart but in my own way'...

Sometimes you wake up and all of a sudden you just feel you're missing something.. and you're just not complete.. it's like you've been in a really long trip trying to find out what you want or what you miss or what would make you satisfied but with no result and then you'd be more confused... and you'd end up having all the unanswered questions again! what do I want? where do I want to go? what do I want to achieve? who do i miss the most? what can i do for a change? i need a major change.. but how... what... where? would a change make me happy? what is happiness?

And then you have to chose.. either you start to walk and continue from where you stopped, holding your head high (and this reminds me of something funny that one of my friends said to me... hold your head high, you are beautiful!xxx )- I wish it's this easy, but anyway nice try :)!... or you'd just live in the past, and keep thinking what if... what if i did things differently.. what if it was my mistake... what if i wasn't there, didn't do so, learned from my mistakes... so it's up to you to decide!! and it's up to you to go on with building this shell as a result to the fact that it's the only thing you can do to protect yourself from future failures... it's all in your hands.. because no one else would do that for you! Only you...

Sometimes you just feel numb, nothing matters to you anymore, no one really matters...not even life itself. Realizing all of a sudden that you are not only unhappy but lonely too makes things even worse.
And then you'd think of going to a ve...ry far place and being alone! Running away was never an option for me but at a certain point it happens that you feel you want to run away from everything and everyone even from yourself.

Getting hurt over and over again makes you feel sick, especially when the ones who are causing this to you should be the closest, most special, and who gets all your attention, love and caring.
Life is funny, people who you care less for are the ones who keeps the smile on your face, yet the ones who you'd give up on the whole wide world for are the ones who hurt you the most. That’s why sometimes it’s better to hide your feelings, keep them inside you and never ever share them.

There were times when you might feel happy, but then again deep inside you you'd be thinking ‘oh it has to end soon, it will end at some point, because happiness always comes to an end.’

A broken heart hurts like no other, you get this feeling of being sick- sick- sick, and then you start to hear all the sad songs and living each one as if it was written and sung just for you- so you end up alone with your collection of sad songs, having all the memories in your head, and wishing you can experience it all again one day…

Living to give, to make people happy, putting all your efforts to please everyone around you and at the end of the day it's then when you realize how much you neglected yourself... it's then when you realize how painful it is, living to give!
Is it because it was your fault you're from the giving type? Who keeps giving and giving and wait for nothing in return… or simply because life is cruel. Life is never fair.
And then people would come and tell you, don’t be sad, when you’re sad you make us sad... so it’s more like an empty loop, you’d just go back again to ‘giving and giving… and neglecting yourself…’

Though one day there will be birds singing again and stars twinkling (this is the dreamy me)... keeping the faith is what makes each and everyone stronger. Not only happiness, sadness has an end too…

I spent days/ weeks/ months looking out of the same window.. the view didn't change.. the sky was always blue and clear, even when it was rainy or cold, the sky was always blue. A rainbow would come and go.. I was lucky enough to have some ...photos taken a couple of times for it..

But just one day, everything started to look different.. the view was still the same, yet it was so different from all the other times. The trees were still there, the sky was still blue.. nothing really changed, yet it looked strange and a bit blurry..
No, it was very blurry

Another thing marked that day.. and I remember it vividly now...

[Image]

There was a star..

The whole time I looked through that same window I didn't see a single star, and it just happened that day.. for the first and last time..
there was a shining bright star, looking back at me.. trying to convey a message.. a lost message... a message that will never ever be delivered..

The star disappeared, and with it the message is gone.
The bright light is no longer there.. though the blue sky and the trees are still there...Nothing has changed, and yet, everything has changed!

when Im there at your place expecting you to show up any minute...
when Im driving alone imagining you changing the channel..

when Im trying to make up my mind about a decision or make a choice and feel im all by myself..
when I miss laughing ...so hard that my stomache starts to ache..
when I look at my mobile and wait for it to ring...
when the world looks dark and the music is no longer heared..

when your voice becomes the sweetest sound to my ears,
when my day is your night
and your night is my day

when the songs become plain unrhymed words ..
when sleeping is rare
and the dreams are postponed
when waking up would be just to get me a step closer
when the seconds are hours
and the months are years

when June is no longer my favorite month
and July is all im waiting for

It's then when i know that Im terribly MISSING YOU!

if only i could be sarcastic for just one second.what good would our love do..?
the only thing that keeps me going is my endless quest for the meaning of this life other than that.
i'm powerless. that's why lastnight half a sleep i claimed it...'s best never to know you,.
or kiss you..
or hug you..

"never" is like a keyword to my survival now.

I can feel it pass me by,but I can feel it’s totally pain.I can feel it walk on by.
I’m standing here alone,all alone. My sins are flashing before my ayes.
I now you can hear me faint,you can hear me die away,you can hear me carry my love for you,just not to listen to my word,sworn to be true forever..THAT I LOVE YOU !!

~the endless future of not having you

If yesterday I couldn’t go to sleep ‘cause I was afraid to grow a day older, and face the consequences of my age the last night I fear no future,I Fear now ,
If I’m alive and well,will you be there holding my hand- I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman night kryptonite.you make sure that I am strong,But I thought I’m too weak. You took grountedvall the time you stumbled in,and bumped your head,if not for me,then you would be dead.. I picked you up..and put you back

Have I told you you lately that I love you?loving you is natural thing to do.do you have to close your heart?
Can you hear me vaguelty whisper? Dear..you complete me.
You made my world life worth while. Ever since I saw U’re face,nothing in my life has been the same,I walk around just saying your name..

Like flowers…flowers bloom Into the sunlight and life close to you…just to see your smile,makes my wolrd worth while!

you find the flying altitude of the most quiet (and I find through the dreams that never real)
I do not see the light that you promised. you can call me with abusive words .. if that can reedem all my mistakes.
can you believe I do just a little?. can you see me from the corner pandany more wisely?
you wishy washy man who punish my heart
although you hate me .. or until oathed me.. for me youre still the one.. you may say that this woman is morron and nothing means in your eyes .. but I still wait up to you ,until i couldn't breathe

Kamu Lagi.. selalu tentang kamu.

dunia kecil
menyempit
tak ada ruang bagiku untuk berdiri.
bahkan bernafas pun sulit , aku tergagap. menggapai bayang yg makin memudar.

...bayang maya hidup
buat aku gamang
menapak hari yg makin gamang.
menyusur hati pualam kelam
merengkuh kabut gelap malam.

masa lalu .. adakah kamu mau berlalu? dari hati yg tlah beku. sudah cukup rindu yg kian jadi abu kelabu.
dakian curam hidup sisakan batin yang koyak. terseok menatap fajar hari yg baru kian gusar.

aku terlumat gurat penat

mengapa cinta berubah menjadi sirkus ketika orang-orang tolol mau diperbudak perasaannya sendiri?

cinta mendekap
aku menguap
muak
...tercecer ia di jalan
enggan aku memungutnya
biarlah ia jadi rebutan di tengah lalu lalang
nafsu bercumbu bayangan

dan aku?
pergi membawa perih

rasa rindu buatku terlelap , aku menanti kisah sedihku berakhir tawa.
kelak..akan ku kenang semua ini dengan senyuman, bukan air mata.
ku hargai tawaku dengan tangisan.. ku hargai senyummu dengan tangisan..
semoga kau tak mati dengan luka di h...ati

i accept your gone, because the one that I believe, your heart just for me. I forgive you, your heart broken glass has been made a hurts stayed inside my heart. full severity of pain. full extent of love.
you not want me there, you will not want me to come there. I know, you are not used to crying.
I know,
I had to live without you,

adari dahulu kesalahanmu sebelum kau berbalik menudingku?

Sebelum kau berusaha mencari orang untuk menutupi kesalahan

Sebelum kau menganggap hal itu sepele bagiku?
...
Kata orang, ada ada 3 kata yang dibutuhkan untuk membangun sebuah hubungan dengan orang lain:

APA KABAR, TERIMA KASIH, dan MAAF...

Mungkin kau malu untuk berucap maaf

Mungkin kau anggap itu hal kecil

Mungkin kau pikir kita tidak perlu berdebat soal itu

Tapi yang kuinginkan kau redakan egomu, dan katakan dengan tulus

"MAAF, AKU YANG SALAH..."

Karena itu artinya kamu tulus menyayangi ku dan menyadari bahwa kamu dan aku sama... sederajat...

Jika memang kita salah, jangan sungkan untuk meminta maaf dahulu...

Seorang yang lebih dahulu menyadari kesalahannya adalah seorang yang kuat...

yang menang bukan lah yang kuat, tapi yang kuat lah yang menang....

Hubungan kita penuh dengan pembelajaran, karena kita berproses bersama, bertumbuh bersama...

Aku minta maaf kalau aku mengusik sedikit ego kelaki-lakian mu... Tapi aku sangat menghargai setiap ucapan maaf yang terucap dari bibirmu...
Banyak tangisan yang telah ditangiskan manusia. tangisan kesenangan, kedukaan, tangisan takut, tangisan riya’, tangis sakit, tangis syukur dan tangisan yang takutkan Allah …
ingin ku katakan dalam jerit yang tak terhingga biarpun air laut da...n ombak menggulungkan airnya betapa aku sendiri amat menyesal

sesal hingga angin pun terpaku dengan sesalanku sehingga menghentikan gerak dedaunannya.

Namun sesaat itu aku berasa malu setelah cinta yang kuletakan separas bintang menjunam jatuh tanpa dapat kusambut

dan tika itu aku terpaksa menyusun langkah ku kembali dan mengutip airmata untuk menyucikan hati yang kotor dengan luka

Aku tersenyum sambil menahan airmata keabadian itu ketika cinta menjadikan hidupku bergelimang hasrat dan goda dunia sekalipun cinta yang ingin kupatri itu pada dakwah dan jalannya namun ianya tetap gila dan aku terpaksa mengharuskan diriku mandi disamudra kesucianNya.

Ketika waktu kembali menyinari dan menyedarkan ku dari mabuk itu, aku temui kembali sebuah kehidupan yang harus aku hidupkan yang aku harap akan menemukan anggur kasihNya sehingga membuatkan air air jernih dimataku melingkar lingkar merangkai kata dan madah terindah untuk dipersembahkan kepada alam.

Aku tenang. Kerana aku telah kembali ke kesejatian dan ku biarkan detik detik itu berlalu membawa cerita cerita cinta ku yang gersang.

Memang aku tak berputus asa mencari nya lagi namun tidak mungkin untuk ku mengemis kerana aku pernah lemas dalam dakapan cintanya. Kini aku ingin lari jauh dipadang alam, menumpah sujud sujudku merengkuh dikedalaman dakapanNya.

Aku berjanji pada diri, aku tidak akan memburunya dan aku ingin membebaskannya dari belenggu bait bait puisiku yang tajam yang menyakiti hatinya dan apa yang kuinginkan kini adalah agar jiwanya kini bebas dan disimbah wangian mawar agar jiwanya dapat menghirup harum dalam setiap nafasnya …

Bagi ku cukuplah kiranya aku terdengar bisikan kebahagiaan suatu hari nanti darinya sekalipun waktu itu aku harus merangkak meneruskan perjalanan ini namun aku akan cuma senyum semanis manis nya karena aku tidak ingin menangis lagi ……

can't cry hard enough..
melawan kesepian

Apapun yang terjadi Berjalanlah tanpa henti
Airmata tertahan Waktu untuk dijatuhkan
Nanti kita kan tahu Betapa bijaknya hidup
Sepahit apa pun ini Pelajaran yang berarti

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan merubah apa pun
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...

Apapun yang terjadi
Berjalanlah tanpa henti

aku harus ikhlas melepasmu
Assalamualaikum w.w.

Bismillah hi Rahman ni Rahim

...Setelah aku jauh melangkah, setelah dua gunung aku lalui. Aku bertemu banyak bunga dan kumbang. Mereka ada yang ramah juga ada yang pemarah. Walaupun demikian mereka semua memberi aku sebuah nasihat tentang kehidupan.

Setelah aku sampai pada suatu karang di tepi laut, kulihat kembali perjalanan masa lampau. Kulihat lagi dua gunung yang telah aku lalaui. Ku lihat lagi elang yang masih menyeruak memanggilku untuk menyemangatiku. . Tak terasa kakiku ini telah jauh melangkah, jauh hingga dua gunung dapat terlamapaui. aku belum pernah melangkah sejauh ini. Samapai jauhnya hingga tak kukenali lagi tempat ini, tempat di mana sekarang aku duduk termenung.

Aku masih juga termenung dan aku di sadarkan oleh deburan ombak yang mengantarkan nelayan kembali ke daratan dengan sinar mentari yang semakin menipis diganikan cahaya bulan dan bintang. Aku tersadar dan aku tanya pada diriku sendiri “Dimanakah aku sekarang? Dimana?”.

Ku lihat disekelilingku orang-orang yang tak ku kenal. Aku mau bertanya tetapi aku malu pada diriku sendiri, tetapi jika tidak bertanya aku tidak tahu jalan pulang. Lantas ku lihat ada dua sosok wanita hendak kembali ke rumah dari menjaring ikan. Sangat aneh, tetapi begitulah adanya.

“Maaf, boleh saya bertanya?”

“Iya, silakan”

“Mba, hendak ke mana? Bisa tunjukkan saya tempat untuk beristirahat?”

“Mari, silakan ikut saya.”

Sambil berjalan mengikuti dua wanita itu, aku berbincang dengan mereka menanyakan mengapa mereka menjaring ikan, tidak menunggu suami mereka berlabuh dan mengapa pula mereka tidak di rumah memasak untuk makan malam suami mereka. Mereka hanya menjawab “Ini adalah suatu perubahan. Zaman sudah mengeluarkan kami dari rumah kami dan inilah pilihan kami. Kami orang pesisir maka kami menjaring ikan.” Akhirnya sampai aku di rumah mereka. Setelah makan malam, aku melanjutkan cerita.

“Mba saya telah melewati dua gunung dan sampai di tempat ini.”

“Mengapa Engkau berjalan hingga sejauh itu?”

“Aku tak tahu. Aku tersadar ketika sudah sampai di tempat ini.”

“Engaku orang yang bodoh.”

“Mengapa?”

“Engkau tidak dapat memperjalankan kakimu ke tempat yang sudah digariskan untukmu.”

“Aku tidak tahu, aku hanya tersesat.”

“Jangan bersembunyi di balik kelemahan mu.” “Kamu wanitai. Kamu juga kuat”. “Ada yang tertinggal di belakang mu?”

“Tidak.”

“Bodoh!”

“Masihkah kau tidak ingat jasa makhluk di antara dua gunung itu? Sudah lupakah kau dengan kumbang yang melantunkan nyanyian untukmu? "

“Astaghfirullah.”

“Kau ingin tahu apa nama tempat ini?”

“Iya”

“Tempat ini bernama “Cinta”?”

Mendengar nama tempat dimana aku tersesat, aku meneteskan air mata. Ternyata selama ini aku tersesat dalam cinta. Cinta yang awalnya tulus berubah menjadi jalan terjal dan berliku yang membawaku sampai ke tempat ini. Ternyata, selama ini hidupku hanya untuk sebuah cinta yang hanya mengantarku sampai di tempat ini, tempat yang indah, tetapi hanya sementara waktu karena jika dua gunung itu meletus, lenyaplah tempat ini.

“Bagaimana aku bisa pulang?”

“Kau takkan bisa pulang!”

“Jadi aku akan mati di tempat ini?”

“Kau tidak pernah belajar!” “Mengapa kau harus mati di tempat ini?” “Kau bisa sampai di sini mengapa kau takut tak bisa kembali?”

“Kalau begitu tunjukan aku jalan pulang?”

“Tak bisa!” “Kami tak bisa tunjukimu jalan pulang. Hanya kau sendiri yang dapat menemukannya, tapi kami bisa beritahu apa nama jalan untuk kau pulang.”

“Apa namanya?”

“Ikhlas”

Dipermainkan waktu

berputar,menikung,lurus,menanjak,menurun, dalam ragumu
Mataku biru.
Apa Kamu merasa haru? seakan berkata “tolonglah..jangan bicarakan itu..”
Aku malu…

Dia Selalu Ragu.

Naik kelangit hanya untuk jatuh ke bumi telah menjadi sebuah keakraban tersendiri yg terlalu..
Dalam cinta,hatiku lebam biru..

ingin aku berhenti mengejarnya.. tapi aku ingin bertaruh,setelah ini aku tak akan tertidur terlelap lagi.. bayangannya masih tetap sensual menyihir dengan bias yg bius,shit!! Otak ku tak lagi bisa berpikir lurus..
Ucapanmu itu menggoreskan segel ingatan yg ku kubur paling dalam. Dia tak hiraukan..

Kadang aku tak percaya…
````aku bisa sebegitu bahagia saat kau masih disini temani aku dalam sebuah melody.,.sosokkmu sebuah mimpi yg indah..hingga aku bahkan takut untuk mencubit diriku dan menemukan kamu tiada.. kamu segalanya yg kamu pinta.. Apa Cinta selalu membuatmu begitu..?
Buai romantisnya menyesakkan sepetak memoriku.. kamu coba meninggalkan semua ini…mencoba menertawakan diri.. dan itu membuatku bermuara pada rasa kecewa yg bejat..dan sedih yg sepat.. dan aku masih saja terus bertahan? Menuliskan diri dari logika ku yg kian lama kian memaki…betapa aku hanya seorang yg rendah,bodoh..dan sia-sia… ( aku mulai tak menyukai diriku…)

Ku hampiri dia… di dalamnya ku temukan labirin..aku mulai masuk..mabuk labirin…kursa ia tak butuh musim yg tercuri… ia butuh maniak teka-teki..yg tak pernah jera atau bahkan semakin bergairah menghadapi segenap liku tak jelas serupa manipulasi… bagaimana cara menjangkau dirimu hei”malaikat misterius pembius!!? Aku ingin mencium mu..aku lelah berdansa dalm ragu..
Pagi yang enggan…semalam aku tak tidur..saat ini waktu membuat merasa sis-sia..kosong!! seakan merasa di tampar..suara itu taka sing..namun kali ini terdengar menyerang,melecehkan..1 ons rasa takut yg kecut..ada yg salah teramat salah..terlintas sedikit di otak ku..:Percuma!!”
Dalam tidurnya yg lelap dan tak panjang’..Adakah ingatan mutelah kacau? Mengerat memori mu?” tapi harusnya dia tak lupa. Dia harusnya terjaga dan menyapaku dalam cinta. ?kini mungkin dia akan menjadi keindahan yg semu begitu samar bagai di peluk kabut.

Telah kupunya jagad raya kecil bersamanya…Dunia kecil yang nyaman membius…Begitu nyaman…Terlalu nyaman…Hingga ku lupa kejamakan rasa :Bhagia itu serti manusia..mahkluk social yang selalu tak sanggup berlama-lama.lupa akan substansi ku yang selalu : campuran hijau dan merah.

Atau mungkin aku tengah bersikap kasar dan memproyeksikan citra buruk dan kebencian dalam diri orang lain yg tak bersalah..?
Mencari hati yg sempurna tidak menjadi wujudku yg nyata meskipun raga ini tetap ada ,tapi kau tetap tidakmenyapa…setidaknya kau tau apa yang ku rasa
Dunia penuh cinta tapi cinta tak selalu mendunia..
I just learned new lesson, I should be more diplomatic in words and actions,because all this time.. I’ve been hurted you.. I was hars and sarcastic.

Sebuah pertemuan bisa saja jadi sebuah KOMA…Sebuah tanda Tanya…Atau sebuah tanda seru… Segala yg lembut dan manis ku berikan kepadamu.. karena segalayg berat dan sulit,ternyata hanya untuk diriku sendiri.. Aku sudah membebaskan diriku… tapi aku tidak bisa menjelaskan itu pada dunia…

Bismillahhirohmannirrohim.
Dia datang malam ini,tapi aku merasa waktu tak adil.. Adakah waktu membiarkan aku dan dia berdua..?
Dia menolak membaca tulisan 2 tololku ini…entahlah.. Tapi tak menyapa.. aku bisa merasakan hangatnya tubuhnya..malam ini… “there time done,and you’re gone,and you’re gone,you are free,you are free it’s a long long way home”….”was it wrong,was it’s wrong?was it me ? can’t you see? It’s a long way home..”
--?Buat Dunia.. Dia Bukan Siapa-siapa. Tapi Buat Aku.. Dunia Tak Berarti Apa-apa Tanpa dia.. Semua yang ada dalam dirinya membuat lidah ku berdecak kagum.
Pernah merasakan itu..? merasakan uji yg di alami tubuh serta pikiranmu ketika kamu menjadikannya wadah sekecamuk ingin yg mendamba jawab membuat bertanya akan titik batas sebelum semua melecut lepas. I don’t think so..! Aku berkesimpulan bahwa kau bahkan tak tau apa-apa yg bergejolak di dalamku.. Sadarlah.. I Won’t push You.. Kamu ingin tau apa yg kulakukan di kamar ini..? belajar mencintai kesunyian. Jadi yah..beginilah.. aku terus menulis tentang semua . karena seberapa pun inginku,aku hanya mampu bercinta dengan mu lewat kata-kata.-->namun kata-kata telah tak lagi cukup tampaknya. [you have to be strong now..] kitu cenah !! tertawa renyah sekali..
Pagi yg jahat..mataku semalam mengantuk tapi pikiranku melompat naik-turun,dipermainkan waktu.. aku tak dibiarkannya lelap lagi hingga pagi datang ..

Kamu Duniaku

Dunia
Selamat pagi dunia…
Dunia,apakah kau masih ingat aku? Aku yg dulu selalu langkahkan kaki ku di bumi mu… aku yg dulu pernah gantungkan mimpi ku di langit mu…
Aku yg dulu hisap hasrat ku di hembusan anginmu.. dan aku yang dulu pernah tetes...kan airmataku di jernih sungai mu… Dunia,dulu semua begitu indah,terimakasih dunia…

Kemilau sinar pelangi,berpendar membentuk rasa,dalam diriku yg senantiasa di selimuti perasaan sederhana..tentang kebebasan tanpa kekang..bukan berarti tidak memikirkan tapi berani tidak memikirkan…

….adalah semua binar cahaya yang membalikan semua erupsi relativitas masa lalu.
…adalah anugrah membiarkan anganku terus melambung,terbata dalam cakp,tertatih dalm jejak.
dan Oh…aku tak mau lari,karena aku hanya ingin kamu,hanya di hati mu cinta ini ingin bermuara..

seriously haters. you call me Weird??

I hate when I wake up after a dream and the only thing I can remember about it is that it was weird.

if you are reading this, then you obviously care about what i have to say...you like me, don't d...eny it :)

Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring. So I go back to being me.
I have decided to clarify for those who do not understand me... I don't have an attitude, I have a defined character...LOL :-)

I'm not crazy.. or weird.. or insane.. my reality is just slightly different than yours!

I am responsible for my life....I write the script....I select the characters.....and sometimes....I make big mistakes..

I don't care if you think I'm abnormal, strange, weird, crazy, insane, odd, bizarre. Life is too short to be normal. XP

Why would I want to be normal? Normal is boring. Being weird & getting in trouble is so much more fun and exciting!!!

Okay i`m so talented. I can sing, i can play guitar, i'm a song writer,and.. and...get hit by parked cars, the walls run into me, the floor comes up and hits me, and most of all, I can fall UP the stairs. :D

People call me weird, because they wont admit how AWESOME I am

hmm.. lets talk about haters
The true meaning of the word H.A.T.E.R.S... Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success!!

I think..People who hate u r the ones who view your profile the most.
You hate me? so what, I'm still living rent-free in your mind loser!!

i fight a war inside my head

it resembles breathing without oxygen;
knowing about a surprise party
but relishing the anticipation, regardless
like bursting hearts
inside trembling chests;
exploring uncharted waters
in the deep end of your bath tub.

i find it easier to submerge myself in
the depths of my foggy mind, than to
admit to myself that perhaps it's time
to wake up and smell the coffee
life is about to happen, and i need to be there
for the happening

i'm cutting up my arms while
im cutting up paper dolls of my younger self;
they are lining my lonely walls.
im singing songs about broken minds and
merry go rounds that only spin faster
the more that you scream,
and you just pat my head
and hold my hand,
while whispering that one day
i'll get better.

it's like the ardor between us is magnifying
and the pressure beneath my skin
is about to rupture, and my veins will shoot
starry eyed wishes
into my heroin soaked heart.
im flying high dear, and i hope you'll be there
for the big crash landing.

nothing remains for me,
so i fight a war inside my head

your rusted lies and the noxious fumes

like a cyanide heart, your words drip acid
and your tongue flicks toxic lips.
iloveyou's and imsorry's spit like rusty nails
and close the lid to my coffin.
i once believed in your fatal lies;
i deluded myself that they kept me alive,
but now your lethal slander simply makes me want to die.
i vaguely remember when i would look into your coffee stained eyes,
and i actually believed that i could see my face
being reflected in those shining balls;
i could feel my heart knock against my chest bone
because it was me that was making you smile.,
but really it was because i needed something; anything
i just needed to be needed.
now all that i am left with is a shattered mind,
and weary eyes that refuse to stop leaking,
and the revolving thought that i am an idiot to have
ever believed that you were a good idea,
which i realize as i stare up at you from the floor
at your clenched fists used to fix me, to
correct the errors i have made; prevent new ones
as i appologize and beg
myself hoarse.
and your imsorrys don't make the cut anymore, but
because i was so generous and forgiving
for so many years, i'll have to pay for it in those
that are yet to come.
your words have eroded away
and all that is left imprinted in my hollow chest
are your rusted lies and the noxious fumes
of your
imsorry's and iloveyou's,
overshadowed by the truth
in your
i'llkillyou's and ihateyou's

Konyol namun merdu

alunan rasa itu sulit ku pahami . ketika kamu bernyanyi , nada mu jauh bertemu sumbang , namun lirih nyanyian mu , aku tahu itu luka. sempat membuat ku tersedu,
luapan hati berserakan dalam bait
konyol namun merdu
aku suka , inilah cramu menaklukan ku?
bersatu melagu lirih
bercampur degup irama jantung mu yang hangat.

cintamu tak berbentuk dan berasa
karena ia hadir dalam jiwa
melebur luruh dalam sukma
mengisi lorong gelap kalbu yg kosong
mengalir kala hadir

dia memiliki gurat angkuh dalam senyum
namun hangat dekapnya mencairkan gunung es sisi hati wanita

berjuta pesonanya ternyata menawarkan pahit dalam bungkus madu