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9.19.2011

The art of waiting

goodnight moon,
sing sweetly to me tonight.
the curtains are drawn and your light is spilling under heavy cotton.
i am lying with the windows open, and the shutters are drawn.

the world is revolving around me and i am not moving an inch. i am still. i am the pinnacle upon which everything turns. with every breath i fear avalanches of mountains upon unsuspecting villages. you are too far away. i can't feel you, but i see you illuminating wooden floors.

sleep hides from me in the back corner of abandoned closets. i am a statue and my heart is breaking down the concrete in my palms. i am fearless, yet i am carved from fear itself. i am asleep in my wakefulness and my feet swing to touch cool floorboards,

i am walking the blueprint of my house in limbo. i touch the reality of granite counter and leather couch and leave nothing behind but the oil of my fingers. i reach the door and slide it. i reach the lawn and sink sole into dew-licked blades.

you are not here, yet you are everywhere. the yard is aglow with you. i am a compass and i cannot find north. my arrow is continually spinning and i am dizzy. i look upwards and i am blinded, i yearn, i ache, i hold my ribs with my palms, but i can feel the pressure swelling them outwards. i am fearless, yet i breathe fear with every breath. the world is muted.

i am curled on the swinging bench under the oak you once loved. the cushion is molded to your skeleton. it rejects my body. i cannot fit. hell knows i try. i curl in your imprint and find nothing but your absence. my flesh is silver in your memory. i touch your reflection on the metal and my hand erases any lingering sign of you. i move and find you once more. you wink and i sob. you swell and i am drawn to your gravity. my body arcs upwards and i float. i propel myself forward.

 i will fly to you. i will rise through cloud and ozone and find you once more. i am joyous with the thought. i am buoyant with the promise. you exhale; you sigh. gravity unties me. hope bleeds from my veins to stain the soil. i am sitting once more. the cushion sculpts around me. i am alone. goodnight moon. sing sweetly to me tonight. don't leave me alone waiting for morning light.

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