LET GO

So i posted acoustic version of this not too long ago. and then my friend zach requested that i try it with piano or keyboard. so i figured if i'd give it a shot . i'm going through a very rough time in my life right now..and sometimes it feels like music is all i have. thank you guys for supporting me, thank you for the love,thank you for listening. it means everything to me.

Broken Promises

be careful how much trust you put into someone's promises


You said you loved me. You said you'd never let go. You promised you would never break my heart. Another broken promise.

Well the walls of my heart are going back up. I don't know who I can and can't trust anymore. Guess it's time to go back in my shell and hide from the world!


Dear stress, will you please give me a break? I also need to rest. My hands are shaking, my head is aching, and my lips wants to smile even for awhile.

Such a sad feeling

I look around and see the happiness
Young and old walking hand in hand
You see the love in their way of looking at each other
I stand and walk toward the happiness
But as I get close it fades away
...Just like the fog lifts when the wind starts blowing
Again I look around but this time I’m alone
This awful feeling comes over me
I want to curl up like a baby in a fetus position
Everything is moving away, leaving this big empty space
Empty space that pulls you into this loneliness
Empty room, cold and dark

How can you feel so lonely when there are so many people around you?
They glance at you for one second, but they don’t have the time to stop
To stop and say a gentle word, to give a smile or just to give a warm hug
Again I look outside, all these people in such a hurry
Where are they going and what are they doing
Why don’t they see the nature surrounding them?
Why don’t they listen to the birds singing in harmony?
Why don’t they stop?
Stop for just one second
Why don’t they take in this energy given to us for free?
So many questions and so few answers

Again I feel this loneliness coming to get me again
I try to block it
I push it away as hard as I can
For a few moments I can feel the happiness
I can almost touch it as I reach out
I can feel it at my finger tips
Then it fades away once more

I turn and walk back to this place I call home
As I look around I see all these things
These things that use to be important to me
The paintings on the wall
Paintings of beautiful flowers and trees
But as I look at them I don’t see the beauty
I see just a plain painting
As I walk from room to room nothing seem in its place anymore
Just as I, Denis
Always feeling out of place, never finding happiness
Never finding love, I’m not asking much out of this life
I look around and once again I’m alone
Loneliness, such a sad word
Such a bad feeling
Again I look around, my heart cries out for help
I look around and there’s no one to hear this cry
Such a simple thing to want in life
Such a simple thing but so hard to find
Life is slowly slipping away, such a sad feeling
As the day go by and become months and years
Such a sad feeling to get used to
Such a sad word « »
Alone again I look around... just to see I’m alone again
Such a sad feeling
Alone again

well.. the truth is...

A Longing - miss you

The longing penetrates the heart deeply
...The days go by ever so slowly
Sunrise to sunset there’s only you in my memory
Heaviness sets in as my eyes become teary.

Opening the window I see the moon shining brightly
Illuminating the darkness giving hope to many
But no matter how hard I stare at nature’s beauty
It just isn’t as magical without you beside me.

The alarm rings and birds are chirping noisily
A new day and a new beginning it should be
But the same yearning occupies my mind so strongly
Because in my heart the love for you burns eternally.

A Love That Never Dips poem:

If only I could plant a kiss
On your face and then your lips
So many things about you I miss
Without you, loneliness grips
As the distance between us persists
The yearning steadily drips
Though the miles I can’t dismiss
My love for you never dips.

Wish You Are Here - other Poems

I thought I won’t feel so blue
When to another place you flew
But before the week is through
I’m already at a loss of what to do
The longing, I just never knew
Can be so overwhelming, it’s true
Guess I’m really missing you
And wishing you’re here too.

the crying wont stop
the pain wont heal
memories keep coming
is this somthing i have to feel

I look around and you are not there.
I fell in love with you and now you are gone and that is not fair

I live and breathe for you.all alone in this world of mine,
not a care for this world have i,only you keep my eyes open wide,
yes,it'S TRUE, I live and breathe for you.

not a thing in this world do i own,only sadness and mourn that is grown
...in this darkness i wait for the daY,yes,it'S TRUE, I live and breathe for you.

I love you with all I am..And all I'll ever be.
You are my moon, my sun and stars,My earth, my sky, my sea.

My love for you goes down and down..Beneath both life and death,
So deep it must remain when I,Have drawn my last faint breath.

Holding you for months and years..Will make time disappear,
Will make your lips my lips, your face..My face, your tear my tear;

Will make us one strange personage..All intertwined in bliss,
Not man or woman, alive or dead,,Just nothing but a kiss!

After you're gone..How will I go to work?
Who will I phone,To talk through the silent evening
After you're gone?

You're part of my life,A piece of my tapestry.
On what rock..Will my castle rest
After you're gone?

Time will turn,But without hands.
How will I eat.Without my day on your dish
After you're gone?

You're the only place..I can put myself.
No hopes or dreams..Can fill my tumbling days
After you're gone.

If i had a wish....i would wish for you
to be the first thing i see in the morning..right after i open my eyes,
the only person to think about,through out the day,
and the last face eye to eye..just before i fall asleep in the night...
then dre...ams would become superfluous,because my life would be completely blessed....
you're only the one who can leave,,me completely breathless
even when there is nothing..but silence between us.
it's like i can lay beside you..and we not say a single word
and still i have the best time.
f things don't happen the way you planned or imagined -what would you do? if you'd be living a big pink dream and all of a sudden you realize it was nothing but a horrible lie created and was growing in an imaginary world and you wake up t...o the harsh reality to find out that dreams rarely come true...

And people say things happen for the best... no matter how bad you feel or how shitty you feel -things happen for the best..and everything happen for a reason! But would you really be able to see the bright side when nothing seems to be right?

Would you be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel?
Would you be able to enjoy the brightness of the stars and to feel the heat of the sun when the sky looks dark and everything goes silent!

But what if you can't find any bright side?! what if things don't turn out to be for the best after all.. what if it's just a sentence you keep on saying and everyone keep on repeating as a way to be distracted from seeing what's there... the unbearable!

what if with each time it takes you to hear this sentence 'things happen for the best' there's a huge warm part of you that goes dead, cold and numb and there's no way to make it go back to what it was... you can't fix what's broken... you can try, struggle, and put so much energy but it's just broken.. deep inside your heart and mind you'll always know that it

was once broken and because of that it can get broken easily again and again and again...

To talk, it's easy... but to apply what's said you need strength.. and if you don't have any left then you just go back to talking.. you hope that talk can get you to act at one point or another!
And it's said that each mistake make you learn something.. or at least would happen so that you'd know it's a mistake and mistakes should never be repeated... but one might do the same mistake again just to prove that things might work differently and that this time it's different.. if i give more it'd be different or maybe if i give less it'd be different.. and you'd be in this mess forever just to realise that mistakes are mistakes.. they don't mean anything else... not now,,, not ever!

Sometimes you'd just turn all your senses down and refuse to LISTEN, to SEE, to THINK... you'd ignore all the clear signs, when there would be many and if you are from the challenging ones then you'd get more joy in going on and insisting that you are right and everyone else is wrong! It's like a game, either you win and prove that you're right or you lose and just give up to the fact that everyone was right from the beginning and you shoud've LISTENED or at least paid more attention to the signs and just thought about them for a while instead of pushing them far away in an attempt to ignore!

if you live to give support to others and tell them to be strong and tell them what to do and what not to do to survive would it mean that you are ok? would it mean that you are happy and wise or is it just a mask that you build and a shell to protect that little weak thing inside you so that others wouldn't see the real you...? would making others believe in hope means that you believe in it?


Yet the closest to your heart might be the ones who hurt you the most.. the ones who don't appreciate you enough.. the ones who give you every reason to be depressed... the ones who make you feel down when everyone around make you feel special... would making people feel bad about themselves help you to gain power? Would it make you feel better when making others feel down? Would their tears make your heart dance? Or is it just a way to show that no matter what you do they'd be there for you and again this would make you gain more and more power?

Would hurt be justified as a way of love? Would jealousy mean love? would possesivness be one type of love? if not .. then what is love? It's something you can never find a definition for as each one shows it in a different way, his unique way that makes him special... that makes him unforgettable!... this is why sometimes you hear the phrase ' i loved you with all my heart but in my own way'...

Sometimes you wake up and all of a sudden you just feel you're missing something.. and you're just not complete.. it's like you've been in a really long trip trying to find out what you want or what you miss or what would make you satisfied but with no result and then you'd be more confused... and you'd end up having all the unanswered questions again! what do I want? where do I want to go? what do I want to achieve? who do i miss the most? what can i do for a change? i need a major change.. but how... what... where? would a change make me happy? what is happiness?

And then you have to chose.. either you start to walk and continue from where you stopped, holding your head high (and this reminds me of something funny that one of my friends said to me... hold your head high, you are beautiful!xxx )- I wish it's this easy, but anyway nice try :)!... or you'd just live in the past, and keep thinking what if... what if i did things differently.. what if it was my mistake... what if i wasn't there, didn't do so, learned from my mistakes... so it's up to you to decide!! and it's up to you to go on with building this shell as a result to the fact that it's the only thing you can do to protect yourself from future failures... it's all in your hands.. because no one else would do that for you! Only you...

Sometimes you just feel numb, nothing matters to you anymore, no one really matters...not even life itself. Realizing all of a sudden that you are not only unhappy but lonely too makes things even worse.
And then you'd think of going to a ve...ry far place and being alone! Running away was never an option for me but at a certain point it happens that you feel you want to run away from everything and everyone even from yourself.

Getting hurt over and over again makes you feel sick, especially when the ones who are causing this to you should be the closest, most special, and who gets all your attention, love and caring.
Life is funny, people who you care less for are the ones who keeps the smile on your face, yet the ones who you'd give up on the whole wide world for are the ones who hurt you the most. That’s why sometimes it’s better to hide your feelings, keep them inside you and never ever share them.

There were times when you might feel happy, but then again deep inside you you'd be thinking ‘oh it has to end soon, it will end at some point, because happiness always comes to an end.’

A broken heart hurts like no other, you get this feeling of being sick- sick- sick, and then you start to hear all the sad songs and living each one as if it was written and sung just for you- so you end up alone with your collection of sad songs, having all the memories in your head, and wishing you can experience it all again one day…

Living to give, to make people happy, putting all your efforts to please everyone around you and at the end of the day it's then when you realize how much you neglected yourself... it's then when you realize how painful it is, living to give!
Is it because it was your fault you're from the giving type? Who keeps giving and giving and wait for nothing in return… or simply because life is cruel. Life is never fair.
And then people would come and tell you, don’t be sad, when you’re sad you make us sad... so it’s more like an empty loop, you’d just go back again to ‘giving and giving… and neglecting yourself…’

Though one day there will be birds singing again and stars twinkling (this is the dreamy me)... keeping the faith is what makes each and everyone stronger. Not only happiness, sadness has an end too…

I spent days/ weeks/ months looking out of the same window.. the view didn't change.. the sky was always blue and clear, even when it was rainy or cold, the sky was always blue. A rainbow would come and go.. I was lucky enough to have some ...photos taken a couple of times for it..

But just one day, everything started to look different.. the view was still the same, yet it was so different from all the other times. The trees were still there, the sky was still blue.. nothing really changed, yet it looked strange and a bit blurry..
No, it was very blurry

Another thing marked that day.. and I remember it vividly now...

[Image]

There was a star..

The whole time I looked through that same window I didn't see a single star, and it just happened that day.. for the first and last time..
there was a shining bright star, looking back at me.. trying to convey a message.. a lost message... a message that will never ever be delivered..

The star disappeared, and with it the message is gone.
The bright light is no longer there.. though the blue sky and the trees are still there...Nothing has changed, and yet, everything has changed!

when Im there at your place expecting you to show up any minute...
when Im driving alone imagining you changing the channel..

when Im trying to make up my mind about a decision or make a choice and feel im all by myself..
when I miss laughing ...so hard that my stomache starts to ache..
when I look at my mobile and wait for it to ring...
when the world looks dark and the music is no longer heared..

when your voice becomes the sweetest sound to my ears,
when my day is your night
and your night is my day

when the songs become plain unrhymed words ..
when sleeping is rare
and the dreams are postponed
when waking up would be just to get me a step closer
when the seconds are hours
and the months are years

when June is no longer my favorite month
and July is all im waiting for

It's then when i know that Im terribly MISSING YOU!

if only i could be sarcastic for just one second.what good would our love do..?
the only thing that keeps me going is my endless quest for the meaning of this life other than that.
i'm powerless. that's why lastnight half a sleep i claimed it...'s best never to know you,.
or kiss you..
or hug you..

"never" is like a keyword to my survival now.

I can feel it pass me by,but I can feel it’s totally pain.I can feel it walk on by.
I’m standing here alone,all alone. My sins are flashing before my ayes.
I now you can hear me faint,you can hear me die away,you can hear me carry my love for you,just not to listen to my word,sworn to be true forever..THAT I LOVE YOU !!

~the endless future of not having you

If yesterday I couldn’t go to sleep ‘cause I was afraid to grow a day older, and face the consequences of my age the last night I fear no future,I Fear now ,
If I’m alive and well,will you be there holding my hand- I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman night kryptonite.you make sure that I am strong,But I thought I’m too weak. You took grountedvall the time you stumbled in,and bumped your head,if not for me,then you would be dead.. I picked you up..and put you back

Have I told you you lately that I love you?loving you is natural thing to do.do you have to close your heart?
Can you hear me vaguelty whisper? Dear..you complete me.
You made my world life worth while. Ever since I saw U’re face,nothing in my life has been the same,I walk around just saying your name..

Like flowers…flowers bloom Into the sunlight and life close to you…just to see your smile,makes my wolrd worth while!

you find the flying altitude of the most quiet (and I find through the dreams that never real)
I do not see the light that you promised. you can call me with abusive words .. if that can reedem all my mistakes.
can you believe I do just a little?. can you see me from the corner pandany more wisely?
you wishy washy man who punish my heart
although you hate me .. or until oathed me.. for me youre still the one.. you may say that this woman is morron and nothing means in your eyes .. but I still wait up to you ,until i couldn't breathe

Kamu Lagi.. selalu tentang kamu.

dunia kecil
menyempit
tak ada ruang bagiku untuk berdiri.
bahkan bernafas pun sulit , aku tergagap. menggapai bayang yg makin memudar.

...bayang maya hidup
buat aku gamang
menapak hari yg makin gamang.
menyusur hati pualam kelam
merengkuh kabut gelap malam.

masa lalu .. adakah kamu mau berlalu? dari hati yg tlah beku. sudah cukup rindu yg kian jadi abu kelabu.
dakian curam hidup sisakan batin yang koyak. terseok menatap fajar hari yg baru kian gusar.

aku terlumat gurat penat

mengapa cinta berubah menjadi sirkus ketika orang-orang tolol mau diperbudak perasaannya sendiri?

cinta mendekap
aku menguap
muak
...tercecer ia di jalan
enggan aku memungutnya
biarlah ia jadi rebutan di tengah lalu lalang
nafsu bercumbu bayangan

dan aku?
pergi membawa perih

rasa rindu buatku terlelap , aku menanti kisah sedihku berakhir tawa.
kelak..akan ku kenang semua ini dengan senyuman, bukan air mata.
ku hargai tawaku dengan tangisan.. ku hargai senyummu dengan tangisan..
semoga kau tak mati dengan luka di h...ati

i accept your gone, because the one that I believe, your heart just for me. I forgive you, your heart broken glass has been made a hurts stayed inside my heart. full severity of pain. full extent of love.
you not want me there, you will not want me to come there. I know, you are not used to crying.
I know,
I had to live without you,

adari dahulu kesalahanmu sebelum kau berbalik menudingku?

Sebelum kau berusaha mencari orang untuk menutupi kesalahan

Sebelum kau menganggap hal itu sepele bagiku?
...
Kata orang, ada ada 3 kata yang dibutuhkan untuk membangun sebuah hubungan dengan orang lain:

APA KABAR, TERIMA KASIH, dan MAAF...

Mungkin kau malu untuk berucap maaf

Mungkin kau anggap itu hal kecil

Mungkin kau pikir kita tidak perlu berdebat soal itu

Tapi yang kuinginkan kau redakan egomu, dan katakan dengan tulus

"MAAF, AKU YANG SALAH..."

Karena itu artinya kamu tulus menyayangi ku dan menyadari bahwa kamu dan aku sama... sederajat...

Jika memang kita salah, jangan sungkan untuk meminta maaf dahulu...

Seorang yang lebih dahulu menyadari kesalahannya adalah seorang yang kuat...

yang menang bukan lah yang kuat, tapi yang kuat lah yang menang....

Hubungan kita penuh dengan pembelajaran, karena kita berproses bersama, bertumbuh bersama...

Aku minta maaf kalau aku mengusik sedikit ego kelaki-lakian mu... Tapi aku sangat menghargai setiap ucapan maaf yang terucap dari bibirmu...
Banyak tangisan yang telah ditangiskan manusia. tangisan kesenangan, kedukaan, tangisan takut, tangisan riya’, tangis sakit, tangis syukur dan tangisan yang takutkan Allah …
ingin ku katakan dalam jerit yang tak terhingga biarpun air laut da...n ombak menggulungkan airnya betapa aku sendiri amat menyesal

sesal hingga angin pun terpaku dengan sesalanku sehingga menghentikan gerak dedaunannya.

Namun sesaat itu aku berasa malu setelah cinta yang kuletakan separas bintang menjunam jatuh tanpa dapat kusambut

dan tika itu aku terpaksa menyusun langkah ku kembali dan mengutip airmata untuk menyucikan hati yang kotor dengan luka

Aku tersenyum sambil menahan airmata keabadian itu ketika cinta menjadikan hidupku bergelimang hasrat dan goda dunia sekalipun cinta yang ingin kupatri itu pada dakwah dan jalannya namun ianya tetap gila dan aku terpaksa mengharuskan diriku mandi disamudra kesucianNya.

Ketika waktu kembali menyinari dan menyedarkan ku dari mabuk itu, aku temui kembali sebuah kehidupan yang harus aku hidupkan yang aku harap akan menemukan anggur kasihNya sehingga membuatkan air air jernih dimataku melingkar lingkar merangkai kata dan madah terindah untuk dipersembahkan kepada alam.

Aku tenang. Kerana aku telah kembali ke kesejatian dan ku biarkan detik detik itu berlalu membawa cerita cerita cinta ku yang gersang.

Memang aku tak berputus asa mencari nya lagi namun tidak mungkin untuk ku mengemis kerana aku pernah lemas dalam dakapan cintanya. Kini aku ingin lari jauh dipadang alam, menumpah sujud sujudku merengkuh dikedalaman dakapanNya.

Aku berjanji pada diri, aku tidak akan memburunya dan aku ingin membebaskannya dari belenggu bait bait puisiku yang tajam yang menyakiti hatinya dan apa yang kuinginkan kini adalah agar jiwanya kini bebas dan disimbah wangian mawar agar jiwanya dapat menghirup harum dalam setiap nafasnya …

Bagi ku cukuplah kiranya aku terdengar bisikan kebahagiaan suatu hari nanti darinya sekalipun waktu itu aku harus merangkak meneruskan perjalanan ini namun aku akan cuma senyum semanis manis nya karena aku tidak ingin menangis lagi ……

can't cry hard enough..
melawan kesepian

Apapun yang terjadi Berjalanlah tanpa henti
Airmata tertahan Waktu untuk dijatuhkan
Nanti kita kan tahu Betapa bijaknya hidup
Sepahit apa pun ini Pelajaran yang berarti

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan merubah apa pun
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...

Apapun yang terjadi
Berjalanlah tanpa henti

aku harus ikhlas melepasmu
Assalamualaikum w.w.

Bismillah hi Rahman ni Rahim

...Setelah aku jauh melangkah, setelah dua gunung aku lalui. Aku bertemu banyak bunga dan kumbang. Mereka ada yang ramah juga ada yang pemarah. Walaupun demikian mereka semua memberi aku sebuah nasihat tentang kehidupan.

Setelah aku sampai pada suatu karang di tepi laut, kulihat kembali perjalanan masa lampau. Kulihat lagi dua gunung yang telah aku lalaui. Ku lihat lagi elang yang masih menyeruak memanggilku untuk menyemangatiku. . Tak terasa kakiku ini telah jauh melangkah, jauh hingga dua gunung dapat terlamapaui. aku belum pernah melangkah sejauh ini. Samapai jauhnya hingga tak kukenali lagi tempat ini, tempat di mana sekarang aku duduk termenung.

Aku masih juga termenung dan aku di sadarkan oleh deburan ombak yang mengantarkan nelayan kembali ke daratan dengan sinar mentari yang semakin menipis diganikan cahaya bulan dan bintang. Aku tersadar dan aku tanya pada diriku sendiri “Dimanakah aku sekarang? Dimana?”.

Ku lihat disekelilingku orang-orang yang tak ku kenal. Aku mau bertanya tetapi aku malu pada diriku sendiri, tetapi jika tidak bertanya aku tidak tahu jalan pulang. Lantas ku lihat ada dua sosok wanita hendak kembali ke rumah dari menjaring ikan. Sangat aneh, tetapi begitulah adanya.

“Maaf, boleh saya bertanya?”

“Iya, silakan”

“Mba, hendak ke mana? Bisa tunjukkan saya tempat untuk beristirahat?”

“Mari, silakan ikut saya.”

Sambil berjalan mengikuti dua wanita itu, aku berbincang dengan mereka menanyakan mengapa mereka menjaring ikan, tidak menunggu suami mereka berlabuh dan mengapa pula mereka tidak di rumah memasak untuk makan malam suami mereka. Mereka hanya menjawab “Ini adalah suatu perubahan. Zaman sudah mengeluarkan kami dari rumah kami dan inilah pilihan kami. Kami orang pesisir maka kami menjaring ikan.” Akhirnya sampai aku di rumah mereka. Setelah makan malam, aku melanjutkan cerita.

“Mba saya telah melewati dua gunung dan sampai di tempat ini.”

“Mengapa Engkau berjalan hingga sejauh itu?”

“Aku tak tahu. Aku tersadar ketika sudah sampai di tempat ini.”

“Engaku orang yang bodoh.”

“Mengapa?”

“Engkau tidak dapat memperjalankan kakimu ke tempat yang sudah digariskan untukmu.”

“Aku tidak tahu, aku hanya tersesat.”

“Jangan bersembunyi di balik kelemahan mu.” “Kamu wanitai. Kamu juga kuat”. “Ada yang tertinggal di belakang mu?”

“Tidak.”

“Bodoh!”

“Masihkah kau tidak ingat jasa makhluk di antara dua gunung itu? Sudah lupakah kau dengan kumbang yang melantunkan nyanyian untukmu? "

“Astaghfirullah.”

“Kau ingin tahu apa nama tempat ini?”

“Iya”

“Tempat ini bernama “Cinta”?”

Mendengar nama tempat dimana aku tersesat, aku meneteskan air mata. Ternyata selama ini aku tersesat dalam cinta. Cinta yang awalnya tulus berubah menjadi jalan terjal dan berliku yang membawaku sampai ke tempat ini. Ternyata, selama ini hidupku hanya untuk sebuah cinta yang hanya mengantarku sampai di tempat ini, tempat yang indah, tetapi hanya sementara waktu karena jika dua gunung itu meletus, lenyaplah tempat ini.

“Bagaimana aku bisa pulang?”

“Kau takkan bisa pulang!”

“Jadi aku akan mati di tempat ini?”

“Kau tidak pernah belajar!” “Mengapa kau harus mati di tempat ini?” “Kau bisa sampai di sini mengapa kau takut tak bisa kembali?”

“Kalau begitu tunjukan aku jalan pulang?”

“Tak bisa!” “Kami tak bisa tunjukimu jalan pulang. Hanya kau sendiri yang dapat menemukannya, tapi kami bisa beritahu apa nama jalan untuk kau pulang.”

“Apa namanya?”

“Ikhlas”

Dipermainkan waktu

berputar,menikung,lurus,menanjak,menurun, dalam ragumu
Mataku biru.
Apa Kamu merasa haru? seakan berkata “tolonglah..jangan bicarakan itu..”
Aku malu…

Dia Selalu Ragu.

Naik kelangit hanya untuk jatuh ke bumi telah menjadi sebuah keakraban tersendiri yg terlalu..
Dalam cinta,hatiku lebam biru..

ingin aku berhenti mengejarnya.. tapi aku ingin bertaruh,setelah ini aku tak akan tertidur terlelap lagi.. bayangannya masih tetap sensual menyihir dengan bias yg bius,shit!! Otak ku tak lagi bisa berpikir lurus..
Ucapanmu itu menggoreskan segel ingatan yg ku kubur paling dalam. Dia tak hiraukan..

Kadang aku tak percaya…
````aku bisa sebegitu bahagia saat kau masih disini temani aku dalam sebuah melody.,.sosokkmu sebuah mimpi yg indah..hingga aku bahkan takut untuk mencubit diriku dan menemukan kamu tiada.. kamu segalanya yg kamu pinta.. Apa Cinta selalu membuatmu begitu..?
Buai romantisnya menyesakkan sepetak memoriku.. kamu coba meninggalkan semua ini…mencoba menertawakan diri.. dan itu membuatku bermuara pada rasa kecewa yg bejat..dan sedih yg sepat.. dan aku masih saja terus bertahan? Menuliskan diri dari logika ku yg kian lama kian memaki…betapa aku hanya seorang yg rendah,bodoh..dan sia-sia… ( aku mulai tak menyukai diriku…)

Ku hampiri dia… di dalamnya ku temukan labirin..aku mulai masuk..mabuk labirin…kursa ia tak butuh musim yg tercuri… ia butuh maniak teka-teki..yg tak pernah jera atau bahkan semakin bergairah menghadapi segenap liku tak jelas serupa manipulasi… bagaimana cara menjangkau dirimu hei”malaikat misterius pembius!!? Aku ingin mencium mu..aku lelah berdansa dalm ragu..
Pagi yang enggan…semalam aku tak tidur..saat ini waktu membuat merasa sis-sia..kosong!! seakan merasa di tampar..suara itu taka sing..namun kali ini terdengar menyerang,melecehkan..1 ons rasa takut yg kecut..ada yg salah teramat salah..terlintas sedikit di otak ku..:Percuma!!”
Dalam tidurnya yg lelap dan tak panjang’..Adakah ingatan mutelah kacau? Mengerat memori mu?” tapi harusnya dia tak lupa. Dia harusnya terjaga dan menyapaku dalam cinta. ?kini mungkin dia akan menjadi keindahan yg semu begitu samar bagai di peluk kabut.

Telah kupunya jagad raya kecil bersamanya…Dunia kecil yang nyaman membius…Begitu nyaman…Terlalu nyaman…Hingga ku lupa kejamakan rasa :Bhagia itu serti manusia..mahkluk social yang selalu tak sanggup berlama-lama.lupa akan substansi ku yang selalu : campuran hijau dan merah.

Atau mungkin aku tengah bersikap kasar dan memproyeksikan citra buruk dan kebencian dalam diri orang lain yg tak bersalah..?
Mencari hati yg sempurna tidak menjadi wujudku yg nyata meskipun raga ini tetap ada ,tapi kau tetap tidakmenyapa…setidaknya kau tau apa yang ku rasa
Dunia penuh cinta tapi cinta tak selalu mendunia..
I just learned new lesson, I should be more diplomatic in words and actions,because all this time.. I’ve been hurted you.. I was hars and sarcastic.

Sebuah pertemuan bisa saja jadi sebuah KOMA…Sebuah tanda Tanya…Atau sebuah tanda seru… Segala yg lembut dan manis ku berikan kepadamu.. karena segalayg berat dan sulit,ternyata hanya untuk diriku sendiri.. Aku sudah membebaskan diriku… tapi aku tidak bisa menjelaskan itu pada dunia…

Bismillahhirohmannirrohim.
Dia datang malam ini,tapi aku merasa waktu tak adil.. Adakah waktu membiarkan aku dan dia berdua..?
Dia menolak membaca tulisan 2 tololku ini…entahlah.. Tapi tak menyapa.. aku bisa merasakan hangatnya tubuhnya..malam ini… “there time done,and you’re gone,and you’re gone,you are free,you are free it’s a long long way home”….”was it wrong,was it’s wrong?was it me ? can’t you see? It’s a long way home..”
--?Buat Dunia.. Dia Bukan Siapa-siapa. Tapi Buat Aku.. Dunia Tak Berarti Apa-apa Tanpa dia.. Semua yang ada dalam dirinya membuat lidah ku berdecak kagum.
Pernah merasakan itu..? merasakan uji yg di alami tubuh serta pikiranmu ketika kamu menjadikannya wadah sekecamuk ingin yg mendamba jawab membuat bertanya akan titik batas sebelum semua melecut lepas. I don’t think so..! Aku berkesimpulan bahwa kau bahkan tak tau apa-apa yg bergejolak di dalamku.. Sadarlah.. I Won’t push You.. Kamu ingin tau apa yg kulakukan di kamar ini..? belajar mencintai kesunyian. Jadi yah..beginilah.. aku terus menulis tentang semua . karena seberapa pun inginku,aku hanya mampu bercinta dengan mu lewat kata-kata.-->namun kata-kata telah tak lagi cukup tampaknya. [you have to be strong now..] kitu cenah !! tertawa renyah sekali..
Pagi yg jahat..mataku semalam mengantuk tapi pikiranku melompat naik-turun,dipermainkan waktu.. aku tak dibiarkannya lelap lagi hingga pagi datang ..

Kamu Duniaku

Dunia
Selamat pagi dunia…
Dunia,apakah kau masih ingat aku? Aku yg dulu selalu langkahkan kaki ku di bumi mu… aku yg dulu pernah gantungkan mimpi ku di langit mu…
Aku yg dulu hisap hasrat ku di hembusan anginmu.. dan aku yang dulu pernah tetes...kan airmataku di jernih sungai mu… Dunia,dulu semua begitu indah,terimakasih dunia…

Kemilau sinar pelangi,berpendar membentuk rasa,dalam diriku yg senantiasa di selimuti perasaan sederhana..tentang kebebasan tanpa kekang..bukan berarti tidak memikirkan tapi berani tidak memikirkan…

….adalah semua binar cahaya yang membalikan semua erupsi relativitas masa lalu.
…adalah anugrah membiarkan anganku terus melambung,terbata dalam cakp,tertatih dalm jejak.
dan Oh…aku tak mau lari,karena aku hanya ingin kamu,hanya di hati mu cinta ini ingin bermuara..