Unbirth

unpretty and cold like all of the others
a face that reflects like hate in the water
the dress floats on the surface like litter in summer
carp and old flowers that perfumed the late air
i sucked in my lungs and lived

not breathing, but leaving
detesting; grieving
wishing for better but giving up easy
a few pounds of metal between all my teeth
i gave up my faith and lived
i made the conscious decision to tell that id go
breathe in the green; vacuum the snow
ten in a handful; four fists in a row
the shapes tasted like chalk and you didnt say no
i bit down on those circles and lived
leaving letters and numbers to read while im gone
pressing half-moon shapes from my nails in my palms
i chewed down regret and breathed in what i want
in the middle of the night and at the end of my thoughts
i kicked over the chair and lived