and sometimes ....

Sometimes I don't want them to go away.
Sometimes I want them all to stay.
I want to count, categorize and remember;
even the ones that overlap each other.

Sometimes I want to wear short shorts, and a tank top when I go out with friends.
Sometimes I want people to see them.
And see what they say, if anything at all.
Even the kids I don't know and the parents they condemn.

It might be scary looking,
but it's not about the pain of the afterwards.
Granted, it hurts when no one sees or cares what's been happening.
but isn't it, hasn't it always been my choice?

As soon as I get up the courage it seems like they always disappear.
What if no one believes me?
without the proof what I know was there.

Sometimes I don't want them to go away.
I want to walk around with them in plain sight.
In the rain, on a cloudy day.
Maybe even at night.

I don't want pity, it only brings me shame.
but I want to be proud of this game I've played.
I just want to smile, say it's okay.
This is just skin deep baby, don't be afraid.

Sometimes I just want people to look my way.
To do a double take and see beneath my daily display.
I want to be able to smile at them and say..
This is what happens when we waste our lives away.