i fight a war inside my head

it resembles breathing without oxygen;
knowing about a surprise party
but relishing the anticipation, regardless
like bursting hearts
inside trembling chests;
exploring uncharted waters
in the deep end of your bath tub.

i find it easier to submerge myself in
the depths of my foggy mind, than to
admit to myself that perhaps it's time
to wake up and smell the coffee
life is about to happen, and i need to be there
for the happening

i'm cutting up my arms while
im cutting up paper dolls of my younger self;
they are lining my lonely walls.
im singing songs about broken minds and
merry go rounds that only spin faster
the more that you scream,
and you just pat my head
and hold my hand,
while whispering that one day
i'll get better.

it's like the ardor between us is magnifying
and the pressure beneath my skin
is about to rupture, and my veins will shoot
starry eyed wishes
into my heroin soaked heart.
im flying high dear, and i hope you'll be there
for the big crash landing.

nothing remains for me,
so i fight a war inside my head